


Autobot Phrase Book

by ice_hot_13



Category: Transformers (Bay Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-22
Updated: 2013-06-22
Packaged: 2017-12-15 19:38:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/853295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ice_hot_13/pseuds/ice_hot_13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam has a lot to learn about the Autobots, starting with even the most basic phrases. It just makes sense that completely foreign words could explain a completely unfamiliar world. (multiple pairings) (Sequel to Human Phrase Book) (written a long time ago, posted here for archiving purposes)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Like Scandium and Tantalum

Jazz could not have been in a better mood. He was far ahead of most of the other bots; Sam, Bee and Ratchet were already there, and the rest of the group was trailing along somewhere behind the cloud of dust Jazz stirred up, alt form speeding across the barren landscape at one hundred and fifteen miles per hour. Ironhide had complained when he'd hit two hundred, and Jazz had grudgingly slowed up for him. Pickup trucks were hardly as capable as Porsches, after all, at maintaining high speeds.

"You seem to be in a fantastic mood" Ironhide sent over their private comm. link, a touch of amusement to his tone. Jazz resisted teasing him about top speeds.

"Kind of, yeah."

"Kind of." Ironhide snorted, "you'd think you've never been on the Ark before."

"Ark Two," Jazz chirped, "technically."

"Whatever. Same floor plan. Excited?"

"Maybe." Jazz's engine rumbled. "Lotsa bots we haven't seen in ages."

"How could I forget?" Ironhide laughed, "when was the last time you guys talked?"

"Way too long" The Porsche surged on ahead, "miss him like crazy. Communications were impossible between here and where we were." His engine growled louder, "and I'm sure that I'll win the next race. Been practicing."

"Typical showoff-y little brother, aren't you?"

"For all intents and purposes." Jazz's engine roared again.

"Go on ahead, Jazzy," Ironhide tried to keep the amusement from his tone, and Jazz's engine gave a sweet purr at his words.

"Catch you later!" Ironhide could practically hear shifting being thrown into fourth gear, "love ya, Hide!" The Porsche roared away, easily hitting two hundred miles per hour within seconds.

Jazz was still in a state of thrilled disbelief, since Prime had told the bots they were going back to the Ark II. It was time, he had said, to return home.

And _home_ meant, to Jazz, going back to all the bots they'd been away from for so long. Most of the bots he'd been with had either been close friends or become so- or, in Ironhide's case, more than that- but none could replace one particular bot. Jazz was not his brother, but neither had been bothered by technicalities as such. They'd grown up together, always at odds and never apart, and the separation had been _agony._ Jazz hadn't even been able to count down the time until they'd be together again; it had seemed infinite. Few of the other bots had truly understood. For once, though, Jazz had found compassion in Skidz and Mudflap; they were the only true brothers on the Ark. Before knowing that Sunstreaker and Sideswipe were compulsive liars and not twins, he'd asked them if they knew what it felt like; that had been how the other bots found out they weren't twins, when the non-twins had started laughing like they'd never heard anything more hilariously ridiculous in the world. They didn't understand, but the real twins did.

"Sure," Skidz had said, his maroon counterpart nodding in agreement, "feels like you're ripped in half."

Jazz had been waiting to feel whole again, in a way he could only ever be when he was with his near-brother.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Sam couldn't believe how _big_ the place was. He was sitting on one of the medbay berths, Bumblebee wandering around the room, poking at things as they waited for Ratchet.

"What do you think this does?" Bee prodded a big machine with wires attached. Sam arched an eyebrow.

"Uhh... substitutes for a firing squad?" At his words, Bee edged away, and Sam grinned. "I have no idea, Bee."

"Primus knows how you _would_ know _,_ anyways" Bee grumbled, "no medical training. Why do I trust you?"

"Irresistible charms?"

"Am I _still_ not immune to those?" Bee pretended to whine, "after all this time, you think I'd be better…"

"On the contrary, I think you're even more susceptible." Sam lay back on the hard berth, "seeing as you _looove_ me so much."

"If that's the principle we're going on, how could _you_ ever resist _me?"_ Bee was snickering. Sam stuck his tongue out at the bot.

"Never said I _could,_ y'know."

"Good." Bee chirped, and Sam rolled his eyes. Bee wandered for a few more minutes before speaking again. "Funny, this place is like a carbon copy of the first Ark. Rather eerie, to be perfectly honest." He was looking down at the berth Sam was lying on, making Sam wonder.

"Something happen here?"

"Back when the war was really bad..." Bee glanced away, "so many bots have been in here for injuries." He stroked Sam's back with a finger, "I'm glad it's about over."

"stupid-fragging-" Ratchet's voice came from the other room, "Swear to Primus, Wheeljack, if you _ever_ succeed in actually blowing a hole through my medbay wall, you will be _living_ in the brig! Do you hear me?! _Living there!"_

"What's a brig?" Sam looked up at his bot, who snickered.

"Ask the not-twins about that one. They've spent lots of time down there in solitary confinement."

The door opened, and Ratchet came into the room, still looking irritated. "Surprised he hasn't managed to level this place already" he grumbled, shutting the door behind him, "bot just can't understand that some elements will _never_ mix, no matter _how_ many times he tries!" Ratchet cycled his intakes; before he could speak, there was the sound of shouting in the hallway.

"You're back!" the voice wasn't one Sam recognized, and sounded overjoyed. "About fraggin' time!"

"Wait, wait, Jazz!" Another bot called out, but there was no reply. Ratchet sighed again.

"Well, we all know who he's looking for. Still can't understand how they get along... those two've always been like scandium and tantalum."

Sam didn't quite understand the phrase, and his bewildered expression made Bee smile and remember.

"Okay." Ratchet shook his helm, "Now. Sam." Bee climbed onto the berth next to Sam to listen, absent-mindedly rubbing Sam's back with a finger. "Now that I've got my whole medbay... there's something I want to do."

"What?" Sam ventured, looking from Ratchet to Bee, "clearly, you've both seen something I haven't here."

"Yes, well..." Ratchet cycled his intakes again, "Sam, you have a spark, not a heart. Because of the Allspark, you've got a bot's lifespan, not a human one."

"Okay." Sam shrugged a shoulder, "so what's the problem?"

"The rest of your body is organic." Ratchet said softly, "it can't last as long as you will."

The utter betrayal was shiver-inducing, the one obstacle Sam could never overcome. That Ratchet would have to save Sam from dying before his time, from being destroyed by his own body's inability to endure, _from himself-_

"Okay." Sam swallowed hard, "okay. So, now what? Can you fix that?" Beside him, Bee made a soft whirring sound, like concern.

It was fixable, Ratchet explained quietly. It was a highly invasive procedure, turning a human into a mech. It would take roughly three weeks, because to leave his body susceptible to infection any longer would likely be fatal.

A balancing game, a guessing game, a life-or-death game, because there were rules, there were winners, there were losers.

It reminded Sam of the complete isolation that had once been deemed the only way to handle tuberculosis patients, the falsely romantic consumption that crept across the world in a wash of devastation. The patients who had entered the room, not to heal, but to die, to wait, and to die.

Ratchet promised he'd do everything in his power to make sure Sam would leave the room, though, as those patients never had.

"I'll do it," Sam said, as if he had ever had any choice.

xxxxxxxxxxx

"Jazz! You're back!" First Aid's optics widened when Jazz half-ran into the rec room, "Wow, when did you get back?"  
"Just now." Jazz scanned the room; Cliffjumper and Hound were playing a video game with murderous enthusiasm, Mirage lying on the floor before them, reading a data pad. He'd seen Wheeljack at his lab on the way in, and Red Alert in the security room. "Where's-"

"Um," First Aid started, but Jazz grinned and waved a servo.

"I'll go find 'im. See ya!" He dashed off, and First Aid just stared after him, wordless.

Jazz knew the way to the office, could have done it blindfolded. The private quarters were adjoined to it; how many times had he snuck in before, armed with prank ideas he'd coaxed out of the not-twins?

He skidded around the corner, sliding to a halt before the office door. He knew the code, they'd both known each other's, and he keyed it in, guided by muscle memory as much as memory.

The office was empty. The room was completely bare, the walls blank, the floor clear. The desk and chair stood still and untouched, and through the open doorway, the quarters were completely empty.

As if no one had been there for a long, long time.

As if-

Jazz felt a servo on his shoulder. "Jazz..." First Aid said softly, every kind of hesitance, "I'm sorry... we had no way to tell you..."

"What happened?" Jazz turned horrified optics to the other bot, barely seeing him, "where is he?" _Stop this,_ he was silently pleading _,_ even as First Aid could offer nothing, _don't let this be real._

First Aid's gaze swept across the empty rooms, back to Jazz's face, so apologetic, Jazz already knew what to dread, what to beg _hadn't happened._

"No, no, no, no, _no-" Anything but that,_ his thoughts screamed and started to sob, _not him, not him, not him, I've been waiting- I've been needing-_

"Jazz..."

 _Not that, not that, not to him, he promised he'd still be here-_ and everything was whirling and careening out of his control, and everything- _was everything gone?_

"Prowl is dead."

All the waiting, all the needing, set to a near-infinite time already- every hope for release, for reassurance, _for completion,_ spun off into the disjointed universe, and the last gem of a promise that had been holding together everything that Jazz was shattered, shards splintering into near-nothing, unrecognizable in pieces that were fading from existence.

Everything lay broken.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam was staring at the blank medbay wall, numbness washing over him. "What if it doesn't work?"

"Ratchet can do anything. He _has_ done everything," Bee said firmly, "I've seen him save bots who couldn't be saved."

Sam hadn't been ready to give up the exhilaration he'd been feeling merely an hour before. He'd been so _happy,_ coming to the Ark II with the bots. With Bumblebee. It felt final like nothing else, like now, nothing in the world could come between them.

Except himself. What he really was.

He hadn't felt such an incredible ease of happiness like that, not in their past century together; this seemed to have marked the end of all the loss. He'd said goodbye to his whole world, the Allspark's rescue forcing him to watch as every human he'd ever known died, while he stayed, looking like he was twenty and feeling nothing like a human, watching everything die.

Today, he'd felt free from loss, free to this whole world with Bee and the bots, free to give himself to the only world that he had thought would accept him.

"Even he said... that it's difficult..." Sam dropped his head into his hands. The whole world had been new just that morning and now, the vital procedure threatened to turn fatal, to tear it all away before he'd even gotten a chance to see any of it.

"There's nothing else that can be done..." Bee held out a hand, and Sam climbed up gratefully, "I wish there was an easier way, but it's the only thing..."

"Least if I'm a bot, I'll be your size" Sam flashed a weak smile up at Bee, who laughed softly.

"Just think about that, okay, Sam? Don't think about the risks. Just remember that and it'll all be okay and I'll see you at the end of it. You might even be taller than me."

He may have sounded confident, but Sam could feel his misery-laced fear, surging through their bond.

Complete opposites, this paralyzing fear and the morning's elation; they couldn't mix, wouldn't, but they were both in the same span of hours, both had completely taken over everything he was, never mixing, both submerging him into two completely different emotions until he felt torn apart.

Ratchet's form filled up the doorway. Sam clung to Bee's fingers tighter, and although Bee didn't say anything, he could feel all of Bee's fear and love. Ratchet offered a smile.

"Ready?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bee picked up a data pad, trying not to think of how scared Sam had been, the fear on his bonded's face, such a terrible contrast from Sam's brilliant joy that morning.

Even if he had succeeded in avoiding the thought, Sam's terror was pulsing across their bond, a spark-shattering fear that Bee could do nothing to protect him from, save him from.

_Like Scandium and Tantalum: two of something that are completely different and possess no similar qualities; cannot mix together and become one, like how scandium and tantalum cannot mix, as galvanic corrosion will occur._


	2. To Make A Common Linear Velocity

Jazz's entire world seemed to have ended; Ironhide could feel the shattering agony through their bond as he reached the Ark II.

It felt like his sparkmate was dying.

"Ironhide!" Mirage was hovering about the entrance, running out to meet him, "Jazz needs you."

"I know," Ironhide passed the smaller mech, going into the Ark II, "what happened?"

 _Don't say anything happened to Jazz,_ Ironhide couldn't help the silent plea, _not him, not him..._

"Prowl's dead," Mirage blurted out, hastening after him, "and Jazz was looking for him and found out before we could tell him. He's-"

Devastated wouldn't even begin to explain, Ironhide knew that. He knew the devotion Jazz had for Prowl, a devotion between brothers. Jazz had been tagging along after Prowl since before either could walk. He'd been the one mech Jazz couldn't talk about; it would have hurt too much.

But everyone saw the loneliness on Jazz's face whenever he'd seen a police car.

Ironhide had taken two steps into the rec room, and instantly, Jazz had bolted over from where he'd been with First Aid, collapsing into Ironhide's arms.

"Jazz, I'm so sorry" Ironhide breathed, holding him tight, as Jazz started to sob against him, "oh, Jazzy..."

Jazz hadn't cried when Cybertron was lost. Hadn't cried over the loss of their home, and the entire world. But now, Ironhide's spark broke with every sob.

"He's dead- how could he be dead? It's not fair, he couldn't have died, he couldn't-" He clung tight to Ironhide, like he was the last stable thing in the world, and the last link to everything, to anything. Ironhide wrapped his arms around Jazz, as Jazz's howling misery sounded through their bond, "I didn't-" Jazz whispered, barely audible, turning his face into Ironhide's neck, "I never got to see him again. _I want him back..."_ the shuddering sobs threatened to break Ironhide's spark.

[ _I tried to catch him in time,]_ First Aid pinged Ironhide on a private comm. link, concern and guilt haunting his face, [ _sorry]._ Ironhide shrugged a shoulder.

 _[Not your fault,]_ he sent back. First Aid couldn't be blamed; it had been, of course, inevitable.

Ironhide hated it when sparkbreak was so utterly unavoidable.

The possibility that Prowl had died had never crossed Ironhide's processor- he'd never known to worry, to try and protect Jazz from the pain that radiated after the death of the mech who'd had Jazz's spark as much as Ironhide had, in a way Ironhide never could.

xxxxxxxxxx

"This must be just great for your nerves." Mirage joined Bee outside the medbay door, setting a hand on his shoulder, "I really think you'd be better off taking your mind off it."

"I can't..." Bee shook his head, "How can I not think about it if I can feel it? He's scared..."

"And he's also in the best hands." Mirage gently guided Bee away from the door, "you can't just wait here for that long, okay?"

"But..."

"Bee, I'm sure he's gonna be perfectly fine. Ratchet's the _best."_

"OW! OH MY GOD THAT HURT! _OW!_ "

Bee nearly broke down sobbing. Mirage rolled his eyes at the incredibly bad timing Sam had.

"For the love of Primus, Sam, it's just an IV!" Ratchet's voice followed.

"We're leaving now." Mirage nudged Bee further down the hallway, "leaving and not worrying, okay? Say it with me."

"IT HURTS!" Sam was screaming again; Bee flinched, pain on his face.

"It's _AN IV!_ I swear to Primus, I will _weld you to the ceiling_ if you don't stop screaming!"  
"THAT WOULD HURT EVEN MORE!"

"EXACTLY!"

"Ratchet's gonna kill him before they even get started..." Bee cycled an intake heavily, "Can't I just..."

"No. You're going to take your mind of it, okay?" Mirage led Bee into the rec room, "because Sam is going to be _perfectly fine."_

"Ratchet's never done this before." Bee sunk into a chair at the table, "what if-"

"He'll be _fine,_ Bee. Ratchet's the best. Absolute best. There isn't a medic better." Mirage flashed a grin at First Aid across the room when the medic frowned, "you're a close second, Aid."

"Kiss-up."

"Just to Hound, baby."

"Yeah, yeah." First Aid grumbled, "so we've all walked in on."

"Was that Sam I heard screaming about how he doesn't wanna get welded?" Sideswipe asked. Bee moaned, dropping his head onto the table.

"What are you planning on doing with that?" Mirage eyed the paint can in Sideswipe's hand.

"Would you hurry your slow aft up?" Sunstreaker's voice came from the opposite doorway to the rec room, "I found the pink and yellow." He held up two paint cans. Sideswipe grinned and hurried to join him.

"Sam'll be fine," he paused to reassure Bee, "getting welded doesn't hurt that much, anyways."

"Honestly," Mirage shook his head, "Worst at comforting, isn't he?"

"I dunno. Sunny's a close second."

"Don't call me that!" Sunstreaker shouted, before disappearing into the hallway with a snickering Sideswipe. They could distinctly hear Sideswipe's singsong "Sunny, Sunny, Sunny-" from down the hall.

By the time the evening had drawn to a close, however, the hallways were tellingly silent.

"I like it better this way." Hound looked around Wheeljack's lab, trying to suppress a smirk.

"It certainly is..." Mirage blinked, searching for the right word, "...ah..." he shook his head, turning instead to Bee, and then frowned. "Stop listening for him," he nudged Bee gently, "he's _fine."_

"I just..." Bee sighed, watching Wheeljack pick his way across the lab, "I worry about him. So much."

"He'll be fine" Mirage insisted softly, "Ratchet can do anything."

"First day back, and it's like they never left," Wheeljack was grumbling, "I thought Ratchet confiscated all the neon pink paint.."

"Apparently not enough of it." Hound snickered, "I think it's festive!"

"I think it clashes with the lab" Mirage frowned, and Hound laughed more. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker had painted "DANGER EXPLOSIVES" signs on the walls of the lab, in neon pink.

"I think it's not even _right..."_ Wheeljack started to complain, until his optics landed on something on his desk, "Uh... actually... that... might be... a little..."

Hound, Mirage and Bee had bolted from the lab before he could even get the word "explosive" out.

The explosion could be heard even at the brigs, the furthest reach of the Ark II, which was where Sunstreaker and Sideswipe were arguing punctuation.

"It's 'danger- _comma-_ explosives!" Sunstreaker insisted, as Sideswipe shook his head.

"Not on a _sign._ Signs don't _have_ commas!"

"Did you hear that?" Sunstreaker grinned, "comma or not, our signs were right."

"Not too hard to figure out that one." Sideswipe leaned back against the wall, "one day, he'll blow a hole through the wall between the lab and medbay."

"Ratchet would offline him."

"And-"

"And then throw us in the brig for indirectly causing it" Sunstreaker finished for him, and Sideswipe laughed. "Remember this place all-too well" Sunstreaker sighed, tilting his head back against the wall, caught Sideswipe's devilish look. "Oh, Primus.."

"Remember?"

"Yeah. Do you remember what happened _next?"_

"Not so clearly. Care to remind me?"

"Well," Sunstreaker grinned, "Certain bots heard screaming, and, well, what's the first thing they'd assume?"

"Fistfight" Sideswipe snickered, "and then Ironhide comes running down here-"

"-figures out that 'more, Sunny, more,' is most definitely not indicative of a fight-"

"And ran away faster'n lightening" Sideswipe laughed, "That was great."

"Yeah..." Sunstreaker's smile was suspicious, "it definitely was."

"What?"

"Nothing." Sunstreaker wandered up in front of Sideswipe, "want a re-enactment?"

"Hmm.. Think I do." Sideswipe gasped as Sunstreaker bodily picked him up, pressing his back against the wall as Sideswipe wrapped his legs around Sunstreaker's waist, "you do it so well, after all."

"Yeah, well, wouldn't be a good show without you." Sunstreaker pressed kisses down Sideswipe's neck, drawing a moan from the mech, "besides, no one else likes to play rough."

"Hey," Sideswipe smirked, arching against him, "I _win_ rough."

"So you think." Sunstreaker rotated his hips forward against Sideswipe, making his sparkmate moan and gasp, "like you could even tell up from down after an overload."

"Like you could do better." Sideswipe whimpered as sensitive cables were bitten, movements turning harder, " _Auughh,_ do that again-"

"I _do_ do better." Sunstreaker trailed a hand down Sideswipe's thigh, making him moan and beg.

"I hate that you remember that one particular place-"

"Here?" Sunstreaker ran a hand along Sideswipe's thigh, earning a deep groan. "I'll never forget _that."_

"Yeah. Don't you dare forget."

Wheeljack had decided to let the twins out of the brig; he would rather they cleaned the paint off his lab walls.

"Hey-" He walked into the brig building, as a scream echoed through. "What-?" He didn't want to know, he really didn't, but when he peered into the small room, he saw Sunstreaker holding Sideswipe against the wall, and could piece together everything. "Aren't you guys- but- ah-" Wheeljack spluttered. The twins just laughed, more than he would have deemed necessary.

"Twins?" Sunstreaker let Sideswipe down, and the red mech slumped back against the wall, "We are good liars, aren't we?"

"The best" Sideswipe purred.

"I... uh..." Wheeljack blinked. "Never mind..."

He all-but sprinted out of the building.

Once he was gone, Sunstreaker turned back to Sideswipe, who was sitting on the floor. "Looks like we're in here for our first night at the Ark."

"Yeah." Sideswipe held his hands out for Sunstreaker, "let's make it a good one."

xxxxxxxx

"I have good news."

Bee looked at Ratchet like he'd single-handedly ensured that the sun rose, and in a way, he had.

"You do?!"

"Sam's got the private comm. link ability now." Ratchet smiled down at the yellow mech, "Thought you might like having that." Bee flung his arms around the medic, hugging him tight.

"You really are the best."

"Did you have doubts?" Ratchet shook his head as Bee released him, fixing bright optics on his face, "the rest won't be as easy as the comm. link, but once he quit whining about the IV, the link was easy. That thing always saves my sanity. It's the Pit itself when sparkmates are separated, you're always the sort that make a common linear velocity..."

 _[Bee?]_ Sam's voice, and Bee smiled, _[is Ratchet always confusing?]_

_[Kind of. How're you feeling?]_

_[He stabbed me with a needle.]_ Bee could distinctly hear Sam's pout, _[it hurt.]_

_[So I heard.]_

_[He should have soundproof walls, then.]_ Even from the distance, Bee could pick up on how exhausted Sam was. _[You should go to sleep, Bee. Stop worrying.]_

_[You're the one that should be asleep.]_

_[You first.]_

_[Sure, Sam.]_ Bee knew he'd have a hard time recharging, not with Sam so far away. _[Anything for you.]_

Across the Ark II, recharge was avoiding other bots as well. Jazz was curled into Ironhide's side, neither asleep. Ironhide would have said that Jazz was sobbing like the world had ended, but it was painfully clear that it had, that Jazz's entire world had been ripped away, before any of them had thought to guard against it. Ironhide held Jazz close, listening to the quiet sobs, the only sound in the room, only sound in the world.

"I miss him" Jazz choked out, clinging to Ironhide like he was the last of Jazz's world left, "I miss him so much."

"I know, Jazzy," Ironhide whispered. _I can feel it too,_ he didn't have to say, _I can feel all your pain._

He knew, in a way words could never express, how Jazz felt. He knew that Jazz's spark hadn't been broken.

Prowl had died- Jazz's spark hadn't been broken, it had been ripped away from him entirely.

 _If I could have anything in the world,_ Ironhide thought, as Jazz's agony seared through his spark, _I'd want you to never be hurt anymore._

It wasn't just that Jazz's pain hurt him, too. The hurt of Jazz's pain was more excruciating than anything Ironhide could ever feel for himself.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bee had decided that he'd try to recharge, if only for Sam's sake. First, though, he found the datapad he'd started, and filled in the new entry.

_to make a common linear velocity: when two bots are very close, and cannot go on without the other. As two interlocking gears make a common linear velocity, bots that are very close to each other can only live when they're together, enabling each other to live on._

Xxxxx


	3. The Second Devolution

_There wasn't pain. Not anymore, not as much, but Jazz could still feel it, in the far reach of his consciousness, laboriously kept at bay._

_"Finally." Prowl's voice made Jazz look over, gaze traveling along the white walls of the medbay until he found the bot he was searching for. "You've been out for quite a while."_

_"And you've been here the whole time?"_

_"Maybe." Prowl smiled. "Don't ever do that to me again."_

_Jazz didn't have to tell Prowl that neither had any control over that._

_"I'll try, I swear." Jazz grinned, "You saved me."_

_"Course I did. No decepticon is going to hurt_ **_my_ ** **** _little brother. And none has yet."_

_"Because you're always savin' my aft"_

_"Yeah. So get better quick, or I'll be kicking your aft."_

_"Now you sound like me, Prowler."_

_"You've just rubbed off on me." Prowl made a face, "Unfortunately."_

_"Slagger. Prime's gonna have a spark meltdown if he hears his 3IC soundin' like the 4IC."_

_"Actually, to some extent, that's exactly what's going to happen," Prowl shook his head, "you've missed a lot."_

_"Been on vacation. Enlighten me."_

_"You're 3IC now. You earned it."_

_"But- then you're- man, Prowler, that's awesome!" Jazz grinned up at him, "what, did Rodius step down or something?"_

_"He's transferring to another unit, to be their leader. So now it's me, you, and then Ironhide."_

_"Pretty sweet. Still means you get to boss me around, though, doesn't it?"_

_"Actually," Prowl laughed, one reserved only for Jazz, "I get to boss you around even more now."_

_"Man, that's not even fair!"_ _As much as Jazz always complained about being commanded about, none of the complaints could ever be heart-felt._

_No matter how irritating Prowl got, Jazz could only ever be glad that if Prowl was around to boss him around, that meant he'd lived through another battle._

_That had always been the only thing Jazz had prayed for._

Jazz had hoped he'd be able to escape the black hole of agony in recharge, but even the farthest depths of dreams hadn't been able to protect him; he could never escape away, only backwards, deeper into memories he didn't want to relive, but would give anything to return to.

"You okay?" Ironhide's voice was soft, one hand stroking along Jazz's back gently. Jazz curled up tight against him, shaking his head no, no, no.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"What the _hell_ is _that?"_ Sam stared at the x-ray like image on the screen, eyes wide. "Oh, my God, that's in my _head?"_

"Are you always this melodramatic?" Ratchet rolled his optics, "what's so strange about it?"

"It's a freakin' computer!"

"Comparable to a human brain, Sam. That," Ratchet tapped a finger against the screen edge, "is a processor. Yours, to be exact." All Sam could discern were cables and wires and mechanics, nothing he could recognize. "And see this here?" Ratchet traced along one of the cables, "That's what enables the comm. link ability."

"You mean the telepathic-Bee-connection?"

"It's to anyone, not just Bee. And it's not _telepathy,_ it's _technology."_

"Anything that lets me throw thoughts into someone else's head is magic to me." Sam was still staring at the screen, "anything else freaky I should know about myself?" Ratchet pressed a button, and the screen changed. "Please tell me that's not inside me."

"That's your spark, Sam, where else would it be?"

Sam just stared at the shape of the spark chamber, the glow from within it.

"Woah."

"Yes. Can we get started?" The question only got a wide-eyed silence from Sam.

"Is…" Sam finally forced himself to speak, "is it going to hurt?" The medic turned from the images on the screen to face Sam.

"Sam… I wish there was another way to do this. Truly. But you really have to. You don't have a heart anymore, you have a spark, and that's going to force you to keep living even if your body gives in to time. We have to make the rest of you an Autobot if you're going to be able to live the rest of your life. Without this… your human body is going to give out within the next few years. This will enable you to become a bot fully."

"Okay." Sam looked down at his hands, clasped together in his lap, "but is it going to hurt?"

Ratchet had always believed in being perfectly honest with his patients, always felt like he was one of the few in a position where honesty was a possibility.

He had never wanted so strongly to _lie_ before.

"Yes." Ratchet drew in an intake, "do you still want to go through with this?"

"There's one thing that would hurt more." Sam glanced up at him, biting his lip, blatant fear in the brown eyes, "leaving Bee in the next few years when I've got the chance to stay with him for hundreds of years more."

It never failed to stun Ratchet, the all-encompassing love between sparkmates, that something so pure could exist anywhere in the universe, anywhere at all.

"Does that mean you still want to do this?"

"Yeah." The fear was still plain on Sam's face, "I do."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Stupidest thing we've ever done?" Sideswipe stood at the doorway of Wheeljack's lab, looking up.

"Doubtlessly." Sunstreaker picked his way across the room to join him, box of screws and tools in hand, "least nothing exploded so far."

"So far" Sideswipe grinned, surveying their handiwork. Every single thing in Wheeljack's lab was now suspended from the ceiling, the furniture bolted and the smaller items swinging on ropes, threatening to crash down at any moment, or spontaneously combust.

"Let's not test our luck" Sunstreaker pulled his snickering lover by the hand out of potential harm's way, starting back down the hallway, "'s getting pretty late anyways."

"Uh-huh. You're this eager to just recharge?" Sideswipe made a face at his back, "exciiiiting, Sunny."

"Oh, no, that's not what I want" Sunstreaker pulled Sideswipe even with him as they reached the doorway to their shared quarters, and pressed Sideswipe back against the wall, "I want lots more than that." A searing kiss proved his intentions, "and know what else?"

"I could guess, but Red Alert might have a spark meltdown" Sideswipe pointed to the security camera down the hallway, and Sunstreaker laughed.

"Or overload."

"Hell, no. That's like an indirect three-way, and I am _not_ sharing you." Sideswipe was most definitely pouting, and the sulk only darkened when Sunstreaker started laughing again.

"Okay, okay. Come on, let me prove how much I want only you." He keyed in the code and opened the door, tugging Sideswipe along after him. The door hissed shut as he eased Sideswipe back onto their berth, pressing kisses to his neck. "Swipe," he murmured into Sideswipe's audios, as his bonded moaned at his touch, "sparkbond with me?"

"You _do_ know how to prove it" Sideswipe purred, nuzzling against him, "it's unfair that I still want you this much."

"Oh, it's plenty fair." Sunstreaker's ghosting touches made the other Lamborghini's engine growl, "I want you just as much."

It never mattered how long it had been since the last time, the effects never failed to dazzle either bot.

Red and yellow light painted the walls, in a glowing shade of both colors swirled together until they created a new color entirely, until they became one, washing the wall in the soft glow of connection.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Disasters came and went, Ratchet always said, but catastrophes had to be created.

The news that the Decepticons were planning an attack was a disaster; the looming catastrophe was completely Optimus's doing.

"You can't!" Ratchet's voice resounded through the whole medbay, as he stared down at the datapad Optimus had handed him, "Primus, Optimus, are you _trying_ to fail?!"

"No" Optimus's voice was metered with the calm patience that characterized everything he was and did, "This took great consideration, Ratchet."

"Sure" Ratchet thrust the datapad back at him, "don't ask my opinion, Optimus. You can take First Aid. Don't ask me anything else." He started to storm back to the room he'd left when Optimus had called him, Sam's, but Optimus's voice called him back.

"Ratchet, I did come here for your opinion," Optimus stated, "I want you to assess the team for its strategic selection."

"Fine" Ratchet stalked back over, snatched the datapad back, reread it as though the names weren't already burned into his processor, "you want to assemble a team to take out the 'cons, fine. But you don't have to take _these_ particular bots!"

"I left out Bumblebee as the scout, as you requested." Optimus pointed out, but Ratchet shook his head.

"I asked for more than that. I _told_ you what would be _cruel,_ and you didn't listen to me."

"All the bots are soldiers. They will understand."

"They'll understand the logic" Ratchet snapped, "Bots don't _care_ about logic in this situation! I've _seen_ the way they are! They come into the medbay all beaten up, and do you think logic's the first thing on anyone's mind when I tell everyone else to clear out so I can work? Do you think it makes _sense_ that perfectly healthy bots have spent _weeks_ in here, just to _wait?_ There's no _sense_ to be found, so don't rely on _logic_ to reassure anyone!"

"Ratchet" Optimus fixed him with a flat look, "please. I only want your opinion on whether this is a strategically sound team."

The look he received from the medic was one of pure, murderous disgust.

"Yes" Ratchet spat, "context aside, this team is one that assures success."

That being said, he shoved the datapad back at Optimus, and started towards Sam's room.

"You'll see," Ratchet added, pausing in the open doorway, "it's going to be the Second Devolution once you post that Primus-forsaken list."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sunstreaker thought he was doing fairly well, given the circumstances. He was rather impressed that he could hold his own in the video game against Hound, what with all the _distractions._ To be honest, however, there was truly only one distraction: Sideswipe, cuddled up against him, in one of his coveted affectionate moods.

At least, there _had_ been one distraction, until Mirage told them that the team that was going to hunt down the decepticons had been chosen, and the list was posted on the wall across the rec room.

"Who's on it?" Sunstreaker asked absent-mindedly, growling as Hound pulled ahead of him in the racing game, his attention departing as Sideswipe kissed his neck.

"Uh, well, you really ought to go take a look for yourself," Mirage's voice was fading away as he started walking towards the exit, "it's right… over…there…"

"Can't you just-" Sunstreaker started, exasperated, but Mirage could be heard sprinting down the hallway. "What's _his_ deal?"

"I'unno" Sideswipe half-hummed what barely counted as a word, "Whatever. I'll go check," he lightly kissed Sunstreaker, "don't lose."

"I don't _lose"_ Sunstreaker protested, as Hound just laughed.

Sunstreaker lost, and Hound, in Sunstreaker's opinion, was celebrating far too much.

"Bet you cheated or something." He wasn't pouting, he decided stubbornly, he was merely expressing his opinion in a surly manner.

"Fair and square, Sun" Hound chirped, grinning up at him from the floor.

"Then you just got lucky" Sunstreaker growled, "and you won't ever again." He didn't look over as Sideswipe settled back next to him on the couch, curling up into his side. "I'll make sure of it."

"How? By cheating?"

"If necessary!"

"Then it's not fair and square, is it, Sun?"

"I never said I cared if it _was!"_

"You should…"

"It's not _going_ to be. You should be good enough that it doesn't matter." Sunstreaker only looked over when he felt how tightly Sideswipe clung to him. "Swipe?" Sideswipe turned his face into Sunstreaker's neck, silent. Sunstreaker felt his spark pulse start to quicken, as he slipped an arm around his trembling bonded, "What did the list say?" The first response he got was a flood of near-hysterical anger through their bond, the pure emotion something no words could ever express, the bleeding red of anger and soulless black of helplessness. "Swipe?"

Sideswipe had no words, just started to quietly sob.

Before Sunstreaker could press further, they were interrupted by an outburst from across the room. "He can't do this! He can't!" Ironhide's voice carried over, laden with a molten frustration, "he _can't!_ Not to them and not to _us!"_

Realization was quick to dawn, a dawn without a sun and without light.

"He didn't" Sunstreaker breathed, tensing, "no, he _couldn't_. He couldn't _do that to us!_ " Not after all this time, not with such an ultimate finality, not when this could be the verge of an entire new life, one that would be nothing but agony, where death would have been sweeter than the last kiss, not when there was _nothing_ more cruel in the world.

Sunstreaker's connection to Sideswipe was always strongest so soon after sparkbonding; the intensity of emotion threatened to overwhelm him. The icy fear swept through him, freezing all systems and rationale, until the burning agony melted away all that was left, leaving a dark, clawing void, where all hope and all faith were lost.

_He couldn't do this._

But the rarely-heard sound of Sideswipe sobbing told him that their whole world was in the process of a slow, devastating destruction.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Bee had asked Ratchet why he wasn't on the list; Ratchet's only answer had been to tell Bee that he had requested it be that way. Bee had then asked about the other bots on the list, and all Ratchet had been able to say was that he couldn't save everyone.

_The Second Devolution: a complete disaster, where all involved revert to the most basic of instinct, with a desperate need to protect their loved ones. This refers to The Devolution, the decepticon attack that caused a brutal counter by the Autobots, spurred by the threat made to their loved ones. The Devolution was marked by a lash of instinctual anger and protectiveness._


	4. The Absorption Spectra

"He says there's logic to it." Ironhide said quietly, as Jazz picked through a stack of datapads, looking down, "he said it wasn't... on purpose."

"Was he even thinking?" Jazz shook his head, staring down at the datapads, "I can't...  _believe..."_

"He said he thought it through. But from this purely logical standpoint," Ironhide leaned against the wall, watching Jazz's fidgety movements, "he's going, First Aid's the medic going, Cliffjumper's going as the scout, he wants me for weapons and strategy, and Sunstreaker's the toughliner."

"What?" Jazz's gaze rose to meet his, "He's taking Sunny away from Swipe?" Ironhide just nodded. "That's..."

"That's  _cruel_ is what it is." Ironhide studied his overly-fragile bot, wondering, just wondering. "It'll kill them."

When he pulled Jazz into his arms and kissed him goodbye, he could  _feel_ it.

Could feel Jazz's spark crying out, the suppressed, instinctual wail of  _I need Prowl,_ that Jazz knew to try and hide it.

And then Ironhide walked away.

Sunstreaker wasn't going to let Sideswipe see how hard it was for him. He'd decided that, because he knew, he always knew, that if he fell apart, Sides would feel like the entire world had fallen to pieces. Sunstreaker knew, because that was how he always felt, when he was upset and Sideswipe was there as a steady, calm force, it always felt like maybe the world was more stable than it felt.

He couldn't fall apart.

Recharge had been shunted from his systems since long before he should have been awake; they had to leave, soon, and he still didn't have the heart to wake Swipe. Sideswipe was asleep, tangled with him, deep in the recharge that had evaded him for more than half the night. Sunstreaker knew how worried, how outright terrified, he was, could feel the restrained emotion leaking across their bond, escaping through walls Sideswipe was putting up against it. He had every right to be, despite his refusal to show it all. Both knew what the mission constituted. In the past, both would have gone, which was always significantly less painful. Never before had a team required only one toughliner.

It felt wrong, like half of a whole, like tearing something into two.

And Sunstreaker knew it was far worse to wait and be completely in the dark, than to be in the midst of the battle. Waiting was always worse for them, feeling through their bond without seeing, it was like being blind to terrors that could be so clearly felt.

 _[Sunstreaker,]_ Ironhide private comm.'d him,  _[we have to go.]_

He looked down at his sleeping bonded, curled up tightly against him.

_[I'll be there shortly.]_

_[Take your time,]_ Ironhide's voice in his processor, gentle with understanding,  _[meet you outside]._

"Swipe..." Sunstreaker ran a hand down Sideswipe's back, eliciting a soft purr; Sideswipe was always endearingly affectionate and cuddly in the mornings, particularly before full consciousness set in. Sideswipe snuggled in next to him, arm slipping around him. "Swipe, I have to go..." He fought away the catch in his voice, refused to let tears fall. Sideswipe tensed, holding him tighter.

"No."

"I'm sorry..." He ran a soft touch up and down Sideswipe's back, "I'm so sorry." Sideswipe turned his face into Sunstreaker's chest, mumbled something that sounded like sparkbreak. "I'll be back soon as I can." Sideswipe's embrace only tightened, like he never, never wanted to let go. Sunstreaker didn't want him to.

"I love you Sunny."  _Don't leave me,_ came the silent cry through their bond,  _please, Sunny, I can't live without you, you're half of everything I am._

Sunstreaker  _wasn't going to cry._

"I love you too, Swipe." He pressed a soft kiss to Sideswipe's lips, "I'll come back soon."

He hated leaving his entire world behind.

The vow not to cry melted away as soon as they'd left the Ark II, in that quiet, deteriorating shatter of risking everything.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam did not have a high pain threshold. He'd sobbed his heart out when he broke his arm playing baseball in second grade, and whined with every baby tooth that came out. He'd needed a band-aid over every scrape and an ice pack for every bruise. His mother used to say it was a good thing he hadn't been a girl, because he'd never have been able to handle childbirth; that had gone on his list of "things to be thankful for."

The pain of the procedures was worse than anything he'd ever experienced. It was like a dull, dark heat had settled into his body, every movement lighting it on fire that traveled like following a path of oil, raging and howling until he wanted to completely break down and give up entirely, on everything, just to  _make it stop_.

Bumblebee had always been the one to save Sam, whether from near-dismemberment by the Decepticons or from hitting the ground after falling off a building; he would comm. Sam every time the pain lit up the world with a screaming, white-hot brightness that made everything burn, and burn, and burn. His voice reminded Sam why the pain was nothing.

"Why're you lookin' at that again?" Sam asked, blinking up at the ceiling. He struggled to regain clarity, trying to figure out what Ratchet was doing. The medic didn't turn from the illuminated screen. "'s my spark, right?"

"Yes." He turned, hesitance on his face. "I've finished all the preliminary procedures."

"Oh, gee, now the  _fun_ starts, right?" Sam groaned, lying back on the bed, "Will that hurt as much, too?" The silence made him sigh heavily, the motion only making his aching body whine in protest, "more?"

"The next step is to work on your spark" Ratchet said, "You see, infection is the long-standing danger, as well as metalloid rejection-"

"Like when they do kidney transplants and people reject it?"

"Yes, just like that, but with the metal that will be infusing your skin. That's later on, but right now..."

"Lemme guess," Sam said wearily, "That's long, drawn out risk of death, this is instantaneous, extremely risky thing?"

Ratchet hated having to say yes to something like that.

"Yes, Sam."

"Is there... I don't, isn't there some sort of  _limit,_ to pain?" Sam turned pleading eyes to him. Ratchet drew in a slow cycle of intakes.

"Sam, unfortunately, the absorption spectra of a life shows a lot of pain."

Sam was going to ask for clarification, when Bee's comm. distracted him,  _[Remember the time you fell in the lake? You looked so, so cute when you were all soaking wet and mad]._

If all that pain meant that he would be around to fall in lakes and make Bee smile, Sam reminded himself, it was worth it, anything was worth it,  _everything_ he was going through was worth it, just to have that time with Bee.

 _[Remember that time_ ** _you_** _fell in a lake?]_ Sam sent back.

 _[....no, I never have...]_ Bee sounded perplexed. Sam half smiled.

_[It hasn't happened yet. But someday, it will.]_

Sam didn't care if he had to suffer to achieve their  _someday._ It was worth it, he reminded himself as Ratchet held up the syringe and needle with the anesthesia he had to inject Sam with, worth everything so he'd be able to stay with Bee. To remember the times they had shared and to dream; he wanted to dream of the memories he'd have later to remember because he'd lived to have them. Worth it.

Staying, belonging, staying, staying.

Bee's voice was with him, as the world went down in the screaming flames of pain.

_[Remember, Sam, remember-]_

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jazz didn't like cleaning, it was tedious and pointless. That his office had fallen into chaotic disarray in such a short time was bewildering; the other bots had moved his old office into the new one on the Ark II, and it had been organized, at some point. Jazz didn't wonder who had organized it.

"WHO DID THIS?!" Wheeljack's scream came from down the hallway, " _Twins!_ I mean, uh-  _NOT TWINS!_  What the PIT is WRONG WITH YOU TWO?!"

Jazz snickered, knew he would have found more amusement in the spark meltdown normally, and turned back to the mess at hand.

It felt like Prowl was everywhere, when things were organized, and the mess made Jazz feel like he was slipping away.

He should have figured; Prowl was always one to plan ahead, prepare for the worst. Finding the datapad in his desk drawer only proved it.

Prowl had made himself face the reality Jazz had locked out of his consciousness, and prepared for the possibility of death to separate them in a way distance never could.

Jazz sank into his chair, datapad in his hands, to read what Prowl had never wanted to have to say to him.

_Jazz,_

_You're reading this because I died and never got to say goodbye. I'm so sorry for that, Jazz, I really am. I know this is really hard for you, but you can't let my death kill you too. I know you. I know it could. I love you and I hope you don't ever forget how that feels, and I don't care that I never was your brother, but I'm always going to be. I'm really proud of you, it took a lot of courage to leave with the team. I'm sorry I'm not here now that you're back home. I hoped you wouldn't come home to news like this, and I swear to you, I tried so hard to keep that from happening. I'm so, so sorry it did._

_You're not alone, Jazz. I know there's a bot that loves you, too, and can give you more than I ever could. A brother can't complete you the way a bonded can; it's my last hope that you've found that bot by the time you're reading this._

_I hope he's there with you right now. I know he would be, and I know he loves you in a way that will make you whole again. Let him mean the world to you. Don't be scared he'll leave you like I had to. He's worth it. He loves you._

_I missed you, Jazz, and I was always proud of you. I know I've always said you're impatient and stubborn, but you've become a strong leader, and I couldn't be more proud of the bot you've become. I know you always said that being 2IC was the best thing I ever was, and that there was nothing better in the world._

_You were wrong, Jazz._

_Being your brother was better._

_Prowl._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bee hadn't thought he'd have the  _ability_ to be even more worried than he'd been a while ago. He hadn't known the sheer amount of concern was possible, given all that he felt for Sam.

The true boundlessness of concern revealed itself when he came across Sideswipe, with the other bots in the rec room, barely there at all.

He'd been snappish all day, before jolting into a snarling anger, and now, slipping back into silent misery. Bee slid onto the couch beside him, unnoticed by Mirage.

"Swipe?" Bee ventured, receiving little response, save for half a glance. "Are you gonna be okay?"

Sideswipe played his fingertips over his spark chamber, shook his head no.

He slipped out of the room wordlessly; Jazz soon wandered over to take his place. Bee didn't miss the way Mirage tensed up at the sight of him.

"How's he holdin' up?" Jazz asked, waving a hand towards the direction Sideswipe had gone in.

"Well..." Bee paused, tried not to break down as he felt the echoes of pain through his bond to Sam, and there were no words to offer. Silence dragged on for a few more moments. "How 'bout you, Jazz?" Jazz shrugged, not saying.

How well could they expect him to feel, Bee wondered, when he'd lost both bots he was close to, one for good?

"I'll see you guys later," Mirage jumped up abruptly, "Gonna go... see... if Ratchet needs help." Before clarification could be requested of him, he'd hustled out of the room.

"Gonna be okay?" Bee asked Jazz softly. Jazz sank down, looked at him, answer on his face.

 _Just once,_ Bee thought,  _I want someone to say yes, so the rest of us can see that it's possible._

"I miss him." Jazz said softly.

"Him?" Bee asked, even quieter.

He wanted to tell Jazz that even though Prowl was gone, Ironhide wasn't. He  _wasn't_. And unless Jazz saw that, he could be.

"Yeah." Jazz hung his head, "so much."

There were footsteps, neither turned.

"Hey, Jazzy."

Not a sparkbeat later, Jazz had bolted over to fling his arms around Ironhide, to fall against him, whispering words only Ironhide could hear, that made Ironhide kiss him and say something, even quieter.

Bee didn't have to wonder just who Jazz had been missing the most.

And later, trying to stay strong even as Sam's pain continued to reverberate through their bond, Bee focused on words he could give to Sam, because Sam had to be there in the end.

_The absorption spectra: The absorption spectra of something reveals what it is made of. The elements of a gas or liquid can be identified through its absorption spectra, revealing what is present, how these factors are combined, and the environment they are in. The absorption spectra shows what it is made of, to help identify exactly what "it" is._

 

 


	5. Danger And Promises Are Life's Black Holes

Sunstreaker was avoiding Bluestreak.

Had been doing so, in fact, for the past three weeks since Bluestreak showed up to take Ironhide's place. He'd been out on a solo mission, and had been sent to replace Ironhide as weapons and strategy specialist. Upon arriving at the Ark II, Skids and Mudflap had been sent to find him and take his place on the intel. mission. Before leaving, Ironhide had tentatively approached Sunstreaker, asked if he wanted any messages passed along. Sunstreaker had just shaken his head no, said, "he already knows everything" and watched Ironhide leave, sunken in the silence of spark-splitting jealousy.

Bluestreak talked fast. Spit out words at a hundred miles a minute, skidding from one topic to another, words tumbling and racing until it was all a blur. He reminded Sunstreaker of Sideswipe. And that was so, so painful. Bluestreak was a perfectly friendly bot, but Sunstreaker couldn't handle anything that made him miss Sideswipe more than he already did.

Bluestreak had yet to notice, however.

"Sun! Great time to be on guard, huh?" He joined Sunstreaker at the bluff by their temporary camp, "you can see the sunrise from here. I mean, not right this second, obviously, it's still all dark, but in a little while- and hey, it would be so cool if there was, like, a real pretty  _moon_ rise-" Sunstreaker nodded mutely, willed himself not to remember that Sideswipe hadn't cried in vorns, until now.

Optimus had tried to explain his reasoning, and Sunstreaker had tried to care. Small team, one of each specialty, need a toughliner to survive. Sunstreaker had just looked at him.  _Did you know,_ he couldn't ask,  _that I can feel his pain?_

_Did you know it's killing him?_

Bluestreak was talking about what colors he thought the moon equivalent of a sunset would be. Sunstreaker couldn't listen. It was the most painful feeling, to not know if he was ever going to return to Sideswipe. It had been  _three weeks-_ and already, he'd faced death four times at the hands of Decepticons they'd found along the way. It spoke more than he ever could understand, the thing he was truly afraid of. Sunstreaker had stopped fearing death quite some time ago.

Now, his worst fear was leaving Sideswipe alone.

"-and I heard you guys remodeled Wheeljack's lab?"

"Uh, yeah." Primus help him. He was talking about Sideswipe. Sunstreaker wasn't going to scream at Bluestreak, he  _wasn't._

"Sucks, having no way to contact 'em."

"Yeah" Sunstreaker forced patience to cycle through him, "but ignorance is bluss. He could be with anyone." As if. Bluestreak laughed.

"My money's on it being Ratchet."

Sunstreaker laughed, a million miles away.

It took until the silence of the sunrise for him to feel that something was  _wrong._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Why isn't it finished yet?" Bee cornered Ratchet in the main room of the medbay, "it's been over three weeks, you said it'd be done by now! Is he okay? Did something to wrong? Is-"

"I'm just taking it slow." Because they'd been treading dangerously close to infection, even closer to metalloid rejection, "to ensure he stays safe."

"Is he?" Bright optics flickered up to Ratchet's face.

"I'm doing my absolute best."

"But..." Bee had heard that lingering drawback of hesitance.

"But danger and promises are life's black holes."

As Bee walked away, Sam's comm. sounded in his processor, voice weary.

[Is this almost over?]

[Soon, Sam, soon.]

[Promise?] His voice quavered.

The most beautiful of all black holes.

[I promise]

After Bee left, Ratchet returned to his office, dimming hte lights. He leaned on his desk, optics fixed on the screen mounted on the wall, showing the image of Sam's spark.

He wished he had a better answer for Bumblebee, for Sam. He knew, he could  _see,_ that it was killing Bee, not being able to see Sam at all. Ratchet couldn't risk it, not with Sam's nearly nonexistent immune system. In the gap between being fully human and fully mech, his immune system had fallen lost to that void. And it was hard for Bee, when every instinct screamed for him to be with Sam, even though he couldn't be.

It had seemed, back when Ratchet was first starting as a medic, to be some sort of inexplicable phenomenon. He hadn't been able to understand that magnetic draw to the bedside, but as vorns wore on, he'd understood. On the Ark, his first encounter with that strange occurance had been when Hound was in the medbay after a particularly nasty attack from a Decepticon. Mirage had refused to leave, staying with Hound until he was released from the medbay. Then, the time Jazz got landed in the medbay, and Prowl had stayed with him all night. It had perplexed Ratchet, that the normally logical bot would insist on something so seemingly illogical, but he'd stayed through the night, until Jazz woke up the following morning. Then again, when Mudflap had ended up in the medbay after a con attack, Skidz had lurked in the medbay until his twin woke again.

And now, looking back, Ratchet could fully understand the time that had made him realize what was behind the seeming illogical phenomenon.

It took a lot to bring down a toughliner- Ratchet swore they ran on a stubborn refusal to be injured- and Sunstreaker had suffered through one of the worst Decepticon attacks of his life. And for the life of him, Ratchet  _couldn't_ make Sideswipe leave the medbay. No matter what threats were delivered, Sideswipe had refused to leave, and come nightfall, Ratchet had stalked out, sure that Sideswipe would leave before long to recharge. Common sense demanded it. When Ratchet had returned at daybreak, he'd found Sideswipe asleep in the chair by Sunstreaker's berth.

Every morning.

Then came the morning when he found Sideswipe asleep again, but Sunstreaker awake, one hand holding Sideswipe's. He'd looked up when Ratchet had come in, smiled.

"Thanks for letting him stay the whole time," he'd said, and Ratchet had asked how in the world he'd known. "I could feel it," Sunstreaker had explained, "I could feel he was with me."

Now, Ratchet understood. He always did his best to allow the injured bot's brother or bonded to stay at the bedside. But for Sam, it would have put his life in even more danger.

Ratchet refocused his attention on the image, but it did nothing to comfort him. Sam's spark had the hint of being malformed. Ratchet couldn't tell if the spark was merely retaining a heart-like shape, or if something was terribly, terribly wrong.

The desire to finished was strong, to push ahead, even as Sam's spark howled foul.

The image glowed in the dark, insistent, lucid, luminant. Ratchet was unable to tell if it signaled to surge onward, or stop immediately before disaster struck.

It just glowed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"I think you're hopeless."

"Shut up." Jazz hoisted the rifle up on his shoulder, lining up the sights so he could see the target at the end of the shooting range.

"Really, I do. You couldn't hit that thing to save your life."

The rifle quavered as Jazz started snickering, "Primus, have ya got  _no_ faith in me?"

"Sure I do." Ironhide rumbled in his audio, kissing the back of his neck, "Just not right now."

"Why?!"

"Because" Ironhide slipped his arms around Jazz," I can do this," He licked a line down Jazz's neck, to a gasp from Jazz, "and you do that, and I highly doubt you can shoot straight" Jazz arched against him, purring.

"That's like cheatin', y'know"

"I could  _stop..."_ Ironhide whispered, as he bit at Jazz's neck.

"Aaaah, no, anythin' but that" Jazz moaned, shooting him a smile when Ironhide didn't stop, and Ironhide breathed an inward sigh of relief.

It had been hard, guiding Jazz away from that spark-destroying agony of losing his brother. It had been three weeks, and now, to Ironhide's relief, Jazz was showing signs of being himself again.

"Go ahead," Ironhide released him, smirking, "shoot." Jazz huffed angrily, lining up the sights again. As he started to squeeze the trigger, all it took was one finger run up his back to make him squirm and send the blank bullet straight into the ground.

"Cheater!" he yelped, turning to mock-glower at Ironhide. The sound of footsteps made both turn towards the entrance, "Mirage! Hey!" Jazz greeted the mech, "gonna join us? I'm winnin'."

"Losing" Ironhide corrected, making Jazz whine at him.

"Um, it's okay, thanks" Mirage took a few steps backwards, "I'm actually gonna, uh, go- go back, because I, um, I forgot- something. A lot. Bye!" He'd vanished before either could say a word.

"He's been actin'  _weird."_ Jazz remarked, watching the empty spot where Mirage had been. "Been avoidin' me since round 'bout the time I got here."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Is it just me he's avoidin', then?"

"Well..." Ironhide shrugged a shoulder, "he's been normal to everyone else..."

"Huh." Jazz shook his head, "Weird." He turned back to the shooting target, not giving Mirage and his strange behavior another thought.

Mirage slammed straight into a bot as he raced back through the doors into the hallway, heading for the rec room, which was the farthest he could get from the shooting range. "Sorry!" He yelped, stumbling back. Sideswipe looked down at him, something between confusion and exasperation on his face.

"Running away from Jazz again?"

"I- I-" Mirage stammered, taking a few steps back, silently cursing his luck. Sideswipe could be downright intolerable if he was caught in a snarling mood, and Mirage seemed to have hit on that exact, imperfect moment. He couldn't remember if Sideswipe had always been like this, but somehow- somehow, it seemed new. "What makes you think that?"

"Seem to be doin' it a lot lately." Sideswipe crossed his arms over his chest, "not suspicious at  _allllll…"_

"No reason. Just coincidence!" Mirage edged past him into the rec room, "I gotta go, I- uh- Hound's callin' me."

"Didn't hear anything."

"Well, not, y'know,  _audibly,"_ he waved a hand in the air as if to somehow indicate that he could feel Hound's desire to see him through their sparkbond, "But I do!" This seemed to be the perfectly wrong thing to say; Sideswipe growled something at him and stalked off in the other direction before Mirage could get another word in.

Definitely something new.

Mirage continued into the rec room, sliding onto the couch next to Hound.

"Somthin' wrong?" Hound looked up from the datapad he'd been reading. Mirage crawled onto his lap, as Hound wrapped his arms around him.

"Just feels like everything around here is… off, somehow." He shrugged a shoulder, turning his face into Hound's chest, "like everyone's a million miles away."

"Ah." Hound cuddled Mirage against him, "I'm not. I'm right here with you."

It felt like the whole world was set on an edge, like no one was where they seemed to be, and everyone was suffering from something.

But Hound was still there with him.

And that gave Mirage a grip on the real world.

Xxxxx

Worry had become a deep concern, concern set aflame to become a burning, screaming  _fear._ All Bee wanted was to be with Sam, to be assured that  _Sam_ was still with him, that was going to be okay. He could feel Sam's presence, their bond assuring him that Sam was still there, but it wasn't the same, not entirely. The bond was like being aware of the world, but blind to it all the same.

Bee felt it when, sometime during the night, all that was his human slipped away.

_Danger and promises are life's black holes: Black holes are very dangerous, destroying all that come near; if you venture too close, it becomes too beautiful, too addictive, and you can't resist the risk. Danger and promises are said to be the black holes of life- impossible to resist once you get too near to turn away, and although dangerous, and absolutely, irresistibly, beautiful._

 

 


	6. Luck Shorted Out

Ratchet had spent the dawn hours puzzling over the image of Sam's spark, hunting through all information databases for some clue as to what to do next. His research had yielded nothing, the absence of guidance stranding him with only the rapidly lost time urging him to go on. He opened the door to his office, only to nearly fall over when he started through the doorway.

"Bumblebee!" Ratchet held onto the doorframe to regain his balance, "what're you doing down there?!"

"Waiting for you" Bee stood, turning helpless optics to him, "Is Sam okay? Is he?"

"I'm sure he is. Why would you think he isn't?"

"Because..." The yellow bot stared at the floor, "Something happened. I know it, Ratchet... I  _felt_ my human go away...  _is he okay?"_

"Wait right here." Ratchet's tone was uncharacteristically gentle, "I was just going to go check up on him."

He felt Bee's gaze on him as he started towards Sam's room, dread growing as he feared what he would find.

xxxxxxxxxxx

"Mirage!" Jazz darted through the doorway as Mirage started to walk by.

"EEEAAAUUGGGHHH!" The bot screamed and started to bolt in the other direction. Before he could get far, Jazz had caught him and shoved him up against the wall with a dull thud. "Jazz..." Mirage groaned, squirming under his grip, "That slaggin'  _hurt!"_

"Sorry" Jazz offered a sheepish smile, "If ya'd just stay in one place, I wouldn't'a had to do it."

"Well..." Mirage tried unsucessfully to get out of Jazz's hold, "Sorry... Can I go now?"

"No." Jazz's stubborn tone made Mirage sigh. "And don't you dare go invisible on me!"

"How would that help? You've got me in a slaggin' choke hold!"

"Ah. Right. Then you may as well tell me." At his words, Mirage got visibly edgier. "C'mon, Mirage. Why're you avoiding me? If I did somethin', I'm real sorry."

"It's not you" Mirage's gaze fell to the ground, "I'm sorry."

"Tell me, Mirage. Please."

Mirage was silent for a long, long moment, optics fixed firmly on the floor.

"It's my fault." His voice was so soft, Jazz wasn't sure he'd heard him right.

"What is, Mirage?"

Mirage covered his face with his hands, slumping against the wall, "Prowl." Jazz released him then, and Mirage cowered back, "I'm  _so sorry,_ Jazz..."

Even as every instinct howled for hatred, Jazz knew, with the rationality that Prowl had coaxed into existance, that there had to be more to Mirage's words.

"Mirage, I'm positive that can't be true." Jazz crouched down to where Mirage had slid down to the floor, "Totally positive."

"It was all my fault. I'm sorry, Jazz, I really, really, really am, I didn't mean to, I swear..." Jazz drew in a breath, setting a hand on Mirage's shoulder.

"Slow down, an' tell me what happened."

Tear-filled optics flickered to meet his, shame darkening Mirage's face. "It was in battle... and... and... I was fighting this one 'con, and then another... snuck up from behind..." he hid his face back into his hands, "and Prowl... he saved me-" Mirage's voice caught, "he died saving me. It's my fault, it's  _all my fault-"_

"He died saving you." Jazz repeated, feeling dazed, "that is so..." He shook his head, memories filtering through his processor like catches of sunlight.

The way Prowl had been endlessly patient with him, with anyone.

The way Prowl had been completely aware of everything, always known  _exactly_ where every member of his team was during a battle, at any given moment.

The way Prowl had been everyone's hero, countless times, saved each teammate from certain death.

_The way Prowl had been._

Jazz smiled. "That is so Prowler. He wouldn't'a had it any other way." Mirage peeked at Jazz from behind his hands, bright optics filled with tears, "It wasn't your fault, Mirage. Not at all. Knowin' him, that's just how he woulda wanted to go out, all bravery. I know he was glad he could save ya."

"Really?"

"Really. Promise." Jazz smiled down at him, "'s good ta know he died with honor."

"He did" Mirage's optics shone at the memory, "He was so... brave, all that courage and everything... and he did get both those cons, and... it was so, so obvious, why Optimus chose him as 2IC. Primus, Jazz... you would have been so proud of him."

"I am," Jazz said softly, "I always knew he was somethin' else."

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was still strange, seeing Sam as a bot and not a human. Ratchet still had trouble matching all that was  _Sam_ to the bot he had turned the human body into. The process reminded him of what it took to create a sparkling. Once the spark was formed, it was removed from the carrier's spark chamber and transferred to metal that formed itself into a tiny, tiny bot. The process of turning a human into a bot had always made Ratchet think of something like assisted sparkling development. He just wished it was as simple, as sure.

"That's it." Sam sighed, "I think you've finally killed me."

"Good to see you've still got your sense of humor." Ratchet muttered, not turning from the image on the screen.

"Yeah, well, couldn't keep my lungs and liver and stuff, had to hang onto something." Sam paused for a moment, "Hey, Ratchet, is there a reason you keep looking at my spark? Like.... is there something wrong with it?"

"Wrong?" Ratchet hesitated, "there doesn't appear to be."

After all, in a certain slant of light, anything could appear perfect.

"Sure. You sound so convinced of that." Sam turned pleading optics to him, "please tell me if there's something wrong."

Ratchet sighed.

"I don't know, Sam." He indicated the image, "see this? How your spark has a sort of... heart-like shape?"

"Yeah..."

"Sparks are shaped like... rather like a diamond, of sorts."

"Oh." Sam was silent for a moment. "Mine isn't."

"It could merely be a throwback to your human body. I'm not sure yet." Ratchet pressed a button, and the screen flickered into blackness. "No cause for alarm." Yet, he thought, wouldn't say, yet.

Before Sam could say anything, there was the sound of an explosion, that rocked every atom into histrionic convulsions.

"Talk about my luck shorting out." Ratchet grumbled, making Sam stare and wonder if there really was an actual fuse or something that dictated luck _,_ "All I want out of life is peace, and what is the one thing I cannot get?" He opened the door to Sam's room, shut it behind him. "WHEELJACK!"

"Hey, Ratchet." Wheeljack's sheepish voice could be heard, "Well, uh, remember how that table was hanging from the ceiling?"

"Yes..." Ratchet's voice was terse.

"Well, good news is, it finally came down!"

"And the explosion?!"

"That, uh, well, that was all the stuff  _on_ the table hitting the stuff on the ground, and.... um.... well, hey, I gotta go clean it all up, so- bye!" He could be heard racing back down the hallway before Ratchet could get another word in.

Sam would have laughed, but he knew it would have hurt, hurt like needles of ice, like veins of fire. Bee's comm. distracted him before he could relive the pain by sheer memory recall.

_[Sam?]_

_[Still here, Bee.]_ Sam smiled to himself; Bee had been checking in on him every ten minutes since that morning, as if to reassure himself that Sam was still there.  _[Whatcha up to?]_

 _[Watching Wheeljack clean up his lab]_ Sam could perfectly envision Bee's grin,  _[seriously, the not-twins are brilliant.]_

_[I'm so sure Wheeljack and Ratchet would agree.]_

_[Maybe it's an acquired taste.]_ Bee's voice was amused.

_[Or maybe it has to do with the fact that those two are always the not-twins' victims..]_

_[Y'know,]_ Bee pretended to think it over,  _[that just might be it.]_

Talking to Bee always made Sam feel like they were together, but the empty silence of the room always insisted on telling him otherwise.

Sam wished silence couldn't speak so loudly.

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

"You shouldn't look so worried, y'know" Bluestreak chattered on, speeding along beside Sunstreaker, "I mean, we're practically home, the cons are all destroyed, all that stuff!"

"I know."

"Cheer up, Sun! We're practically home, and man, I bet Wheeljack's fit to be tied right 'bout now. I can't wait to see everyone again, it's been ages! And-"

Sunstreaker tried to block him out. The other bots seemed to be having more success than him. First Aid was talking to Cliffjumper, and Optimus was farther ahead. Sunstreaker had spoken to him as little as possible since the list had been posted; doubtlessly, however, Optimus could sense the seething anger Sunstreaker was hiding away.

"C'mon! What's  _wrong?"_

"Nothing. Really, Blue." Sunstreaker wasn't about to explain it; some irrational, instinctual part of him was trying to convince him that if he didn't say it, it wasn't real.

Even though he could  _feel_ that something was terribly, devastatingly wrong.

When they finally reached home-  _finally,_ Sunstreaker's spark was crying out for his other half,  _Swipe!-_ Sunstreaker all-but ignored the bots he passed on the way in.

 _"Sunny!"_ Before Sunstreaker could turn, Sideswipe had flung his arms around him, crushed against him in a way that felt more right than anything in the world. "Primus, Sunny, I  _missed you"_ Sideswipe turned his face into Sunstreaker's neck, "So, so much. He better not ever take you away again."

"I missed you, Swipe" Sunstreaker whispered, holding him tight, "More than the world."

Maybe he'd been wrong, he thought, as Sideswipe held onto him, nowhere in the world he fit better, maybe everything was fine.

And then, then, it wasn't. Sideswipe drew back, turning fear-filled optics to his face.

"I have something to tell you."

And when Sideswipe forced himself to say it, Sunstreaker couldn't react, couldn't even see his sparkmate before him.

Their entire world had ceased to be the way it was, shuddering and splintering, and stumbling out of orbit.

"Please, Sunny" tears were welled in those optics- he hadn't cried in vorns, not until Sunny was taken away from him, not until now- "Please, Sunny, please, please,  _please_ -" but Sunstreaker couldn't, just  _couldn't._

And then Sideswipe turned and fled, away from him, away from them, where they fit together and everything was right. Sunstreaker sank back against the wall, the whole world wiped away, frozen by the fear that even if he went after Sideswipe, he wouldn't find his sparkmate.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hey, Hide." Jazz's voice was soft in the darkness of their quarters, "Mirage told me why he's been avoidin' me."

"Yeah? Why?" Ironhide looked down at the bot curled against him.

"Prowl died savin' him." Jazz smiled. "Died with real honor."

"Course he did" Ironhide kissed Jazz softly, "Prowl was one of the most honorable bots I ever knew. Became a great comrade, and a great friend, and we all know why."

"We do?"

"Well, sure. He wasn't always that approachable, remember?"

"He jus' got more friendly as he got older. Wasn't the friendliest sparkling," Jazz grinned, "real quiet, an' shy. Wonder what changed 'im."

"Jazz," Ironhide said softly, "you did."

"What? Me? No, it was the other way 'round."

"Sure, he finally beat some patience into you," Ironhide smiled, "but you completed him, too. He learned real compassion and understanding from you. We could all see that."

"Wow" Jazz snuggled up against his bonded, voice soft, "I didn' know that…"

For the first time since Prowl's death, Jazz felt that sense of completion return. To know that he had given something of himself to help his brother become who he grew up to be, it was the completion he had always sought, to share between himself and his brother.

Prowl had known.

In his last words left for Jazz, Prowl had told him what it truly meant to be complete, told him that there was more than one way, that there was a completion he just couldn't give to Jazz.

And that it took a sparkmate to find that true, absolute completion.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"For the  _last_ time, I do  _not_ like bots barging in here! Do you think this is just-" Ratchet had started snarling at Sideswipe the moment he'd entered the medbay, but for the first time Sideswipe could remember, Ratchet fell silent. "Oh, Primus... What's wrong?"

Sideswipe couldn't speak, couldn't, even as he tried to force the words out.

"Will you tell me what's going on, Sideswipe?" Ratchet narrowed his optics at Sideswipe, "You've been a wreck already, what could possibly be worse than what's already happened?"

Sideswipe slid down the wall, head buried in his arms.

 _Everything_  was too much, already had been, but he could have overcome anything.

Anything, but only if Sunstreaker was there, but he  _wasn't,_ he was ruining the world,  _their_ world, but- but Sideswipe had already done just that.

He couldn't ruin what was already destroyed.

"He hates me," Sideswipe managed, trembling. "He hates me, hates me so much-"

"Then I truly don't understand." Ratchet frowned, "you always hate each other. You  _define_ love-hate."

"Not like this. Never like this. He hates what I did. And I didn't mean to, I didn't, but I never thought he'd- he'd- he'd  _hate_ me" Ratchet heard the frame-wracking sobs, and the severity hit him head-on. "I don't want him to hate me, but he can't, he  _can't_ do that, he can't," the keening sobs were shiver-inducing, spark-splitting like nothing else, " _don't let him take it away!"_

"Sideswipe-" Ratchet tried, then sank down to kneel before the shaking bot, "What's going on?" He set a hand on Sideswipe's shoulder, "Please, Sideswipe. What's wrong?"

There  _couldn't_ be anything wrong, not when everything had been so wrong for so long, the world couldn't take another devastation.

"That's it," Sideswipe whispered, so  _broken,_ "I don't want it to be wrong, I don't, I don't, and  _I'm sorry."_ He wiped away tears, glaring hard, "I swear I didn't mean to."

" _What happened."_ Ratchet pressed. "If you don't tell me, I can't help-"

All luck had gone. There was always room for more devastation.

"I'm carrying a sparkling."

And then Sideswipe started sobbing, the very sound of the world breaking.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bee missed Sam, missed him more than anything. Some part of him had once wondered if he missed his human, or if he missed Sam.

His human was gone, he'd felt it when that slipped away. Sam had become an Autobot, and that felt like forever.

Maybe, that spark of hope that couldn't be extinguished whispered, the world would be right again, and Sam would survive.

He had to.

_Luck shorted out: Like when a live wire shorts out, the electricity is cut off, and is lost, as it has nowhere to go. When luck is said to short out, it has suddenly ended, and all possibility for its continuation is wrecked, as it has no way to go on, as the wire it follows has been cut._

 

 


	7. All Carbon Fusion, All Supernova

"Ratchet-" Bee's voice came from the doorway of the medbay, but Ratchet didn't emerge from either of the rooms, both doors closed, presenting Bee with an impenetrable blank, white wall.

"Not now, Bee" Ratchet called out, something like frustration in his tone.

"But..." Bee looked down at the floor. "I just want to see him," he whispered to the floor, no one there to hear.

When Ratchet emerged from the room, Bee leaned to see around him before the door snapped shut, but he didn't see Sam. Just Sideswipe, sitting on the side of the berth, head in his hands. "What's he in here for?" Bee asked after Ratchet, who had entered another room, a soft glow emitting from his cupped hands. "Is that-" He could just see what Ratchet was doing, as he affixed the tiny spark to metal.

"Bumblebee! Go make yourself useful somewhere else."

"Whose _is_ that?" Bee breathed, optics widened, doorwings quivering as he leaned around the corner at a precarious angle. Ratchet left the small form in a cradle-like berth, closed the door behind him.

"Goodbye, Bee."

"But-"

"Good _bye,_ Bumblebee." Ratchet strode into the other room and shut the door behind him. Bee frowned, lingering outside the medbay. Sideswipe pushed past him a short while later, saying nothing, in a silence that wouldn't allow for questions.

For the first time, he didn't so much as look around for Sunstreaker outside the medbay.

Bee did; Sunstreaker was at the other end of the corridor, watching as his bonded walked in the other direction.

Bee forced himself to leave the medbay and not irritate Ratchet any further, lest he aggravate the medic into throwing something. The rec room had a soft hum of noise; Hound and Mirage were playing some racing game, Jazz and Ironhide watching and having a conversation that sounded a lot like placing bets. Bee wandered over to lean on the back of the couch, barely seeing the screen before them.

"Who's winning?"

"We… uh… haven't actually started yet." Hound shrugged a shoulder, attempted to cover up the fact that he found Bee's question strangely timed, "but I will."

"So you think...." Mirage pointed out, and Hound just grinned.

"So, Bee," Ironhide said, turning back to look at him, "What's got you all rattled?"

"Uh..." Bee balked, unsure as to whether the information was his to divulge. He decided it most certainly wasn't. "Just... y'know... Sam..."

"Ah." Ironhide's tone had sympathy born from empathy, "you know Ratchet's the best, Bee."

"Better'n that" Jazz piped up, flashing a smile, "Sam's gonna be perfectly fine. Hundred percent positive." Ironhide sent him a look for that, one Bee didn't see, to warn Jazz against promising the potentially impossible, but Jazz just looked at him, to say, _we need hope,_ no more words needed.

Bee didn't notice. His thoughts were consumed with the worry that if the sparkmates who _were_ love could fall apart, nothing could protect the rest of them.

He needed Sam. He'd never had this terrifying fear when he could be with his human.

Hound had won the game and Mirage was pouting; Hound kissed him to make up for it, and it was obvious that Mirage had completely forgotten the game entirely, forgotten there was a world beyond Hound. Too lost in some vague, nonexistent world, Bee didn't hear the footsteps.

"Bee!"Before he could turn, a bot had flung himself at Bee, hugging him tight, like he was _everything._ Bee caught a glimpse of sleek black armor, willowy build, nothing he recognized.

The world that had ceased to exist was born again. He could _feel_ the familiarity.

" _Sam!_ " He clung tight to the bot in his arms, tears of pure thrill threatening. "You're- you're-"

"Told you I'd survive for you" Sam- _my bot_ , Bee told himself, and the words felt more right than anything- was smiling at him, and Bee didn't need to visualize Sam as a human to recognize the smile. "Love you way too much to let go." He pulled back, studied Bee's face for a moment, horror-stricken when he wasn't reassured, "Bee… am I... too.... different? Because I swear I'm still the same, Bee, really! I-"

"No, Sam" Bee pulled him in close again, calming Sam's hysterics, kissing him, and he'd _missed_ the way that felt, "you're perfect." Stronger than he'd ever been able to before, he could sense how Sam felt through their bond, and it was like the perfect melody that matched to his own spark's, "Primus, Sam, I _missed_ you..."

He'd forgotten how it felt, to forget about the whole rest of the world.

All there was, all he could feel, was Sam.

xxxxxxxx

There was nothing else in the world.

Sideswipe couldn't move, couldn't, some spark-splitting fear keeping him frozen to the spot, watching, watching _their sparkling._ His connection to the sparkling felt different from the sparkbond that connected him to Sunstreaker; that bond had taken time to be realized, and this one... it was something so deeply ingrained in his spark, he couldn't even distinguish when it had begun.

Ratchet had told him, hushed voices and words drawn from the most terrible reluctance, that they didn't have to take the sparking any further, that the spark would fade away, if that was what he wanted.

Sideswipe turned away, as if he could erase the image of the sparkling from his mind, although whether it was to forget the sparkling existed or to save himself from having memories, he couldn't say.

Sunstreaker hadn't said anything. He'd looked at Sideswipe with something like a horrified fear in his optics, emotions surging across their bond, of _how could you_ and _why does it have to be inside you,_ an angry demand to know why the sparkling was there that he just wouldn't voice, and Sideswipe had no answers for him. For the first time in his life, he had turned away from Sunstreaker out of a terror and shame he didn't want to confess, but knew Sunstreaker could feel through their bond.

The same way he could feel Sunstreaker's horror, his regret, his _refusal._

Ratchet had seen the way Sideswipe looked at the soon-to-be sparkling, almost smiled, said, "you're all carbon fusion, all supernova, aren't you?" And Sideswipe hadn't been able to say that he almost wished he wasn't, and couldn't deny that he was. Couldn't do anything but watch as the minute glow was taken away from him, wish he could have held on just a little bit longer.

The sparkling wasn't yet fully alive yet, still had to develop outside a spark chamber, but Sideswipe could _feel_ its presence, a pulse against his spark, reassuring, leaden.

 _Please,_ Sideswipe begged silently, _I love you, always have, always._

He didn't want to have to choose between their sparkling and his sparkmate- he was terrified that his sparkling would lose.

 _I do, I promise._ He watched the sparkling, not yet alive, wondered if it would ever be, _even if you don't get to know that, I hope you can feel it. I'm sorry and I love you and I'm sorry._

He wondered if everything was falling apart, whether it already had.

xxxxxxxx

"So..." Sam curled up in Bee's lap, turning bright optics to meet his, "What did I miss?" Bee wrapped his arms around Sam, wondered how he'd gone a whole century without knowing how perfectly Sam fit against him. The other bots had wandered out of the rec room, leaving only the two of them.

"Lots, I guess. Cons planned a huge attack, Prime took a team out to intercept them. Him, First Aid, Ironhide- but Bluestreak replaced him after a day or so- Cliffjumper and Sunstreaker. And yeah, it was as terrible as it sounds."

"Wow." Sam leaned against his chest, quiet, "That's..."

"It was good Blue got to let Ironhide come home. Jazz was all torn up.. he'd just found out that Prowl had died while we were gone."

"Who was Prowl?"

"The 2IC. Like Jazz's brother, they grew up together and everything. So it was good he didn't have to lose Hide too, even for three weeks."

"He's doing better now?"

"A lot better." Bee cuddled him closer, "more worried about Sunny and Sides, really."

"What happened?"

"I..." Bee paused, knew he could never keep anything from his sparkmate, "I don't think anyone's supposed to know it, but they sparked a sparkling."

"What? But- that's great. Right?"

"Well..." Bee traced a hand up and down Sam's back, hesitant, "not... not really. No."

"Why not?" Sam asked quietly.

"I don't really know the whole thing. Just that Sideswipe's real upset and Sunstreaker's definitely not happy about it. I think Sides... he's attached to the sparkling. And Sunny- it's just... the whole thing's a mess..."

"Poor thing..." Sam murmured, turning his face into Bee's chest. Bee wasn't sure who Sam meant, couldn't even tell for himself who was in the most pain, whether it was one of the two sparkmates, or the sparkling that had yet to draw breath.

He couldn't tell, from the feel of sobbing sorrow between their bond, because to him, it felt like Sam was crying for someone else.

xxxxxxxxx

Bluestreak wondering if betting "everything!" had been a bad idea. He wasn't sure when Ironhide had gotten so good at the video game, but Bluestreak quickly realized that it was going to be a lot harder to beat the bot now.

"Gaaaaahhh...." Bluestreak scowled at the screen as his car careened around the corner. His gaze flickered to the reflection in the screen as he heard footsteps. "Hi!" He whipped around, to see Sideswipe in the doorway. "Wanna take my place?" No one had said they couldn't do a tag team strategy, after all.

"No." Sideswipe turned to go.

"Wait! Wait! I can't lose! Please? Please? Pleeeeaaaassseeeee?" he begged, yelping as his car smashed into a wall, spun into reverse, got hit by a truck that Bluestreak hadn't even seen _coming_.

"Frag off, Blue." Sideswipe stormed off before Bluestreak could make another sound. Bluestreak growled as Ironhide's car drove neatly over the finish line while his own fishtailed and got hit by another semi truck.

"Damn. For the love of Primus…. Why there are even semi trucks on the _racetrack_ is beyond me… " Bluestreak flopped back onto the couch, looking over at Ironhide. "Hey, is it just me, or has Sideswipe been _really_ scary?"

"He was just upset because Sunny was gone." Ironhide tossed his controlled onto the table. "Can't really blame him."

"Sides doesn't get upset, he gets _mean."_

"Same thing." Ironhide shrugged. "Moody as hell, too, in my opinion." He looked up as Sunstreaker wandered in, conspicuously after Sideswipe had already gone, looking around like he was lost. Like stars out of line, like his path was unaligned and he was stumbling around to find the track again.

"But it's not because of Sunny being gone before." Bluestreak was bouncing up and down, "It's cuz of the sparkling and Sun doesn't love it. Right?"

"What sparkling?" Ironhide's gaze jerked from Bluestreak to Sunstreaker, "Sun?"

"Is that why you were all worried, Sun?" Bluestreak turned to look at the yellow bot.

Sunstreaker didn't want to explain it, truly didn't. Didn't want to say that he'd felt the surge of anxiety and horror when Sideswipe realized the sparkling's presence, that he hadn't been able to tell what the fear was for, but now- now he knew, and he wished it just wasn't true.

"I don't want to talk about it." Sunstreaker snapped.

"So you really don't love it?" Widened optics turned to him, but Sunstreaker ignored Bluestreak. "Gosh, Sunny, it's jus' a little sparkling, and _Sides_ sure seems to like it... don't you love it?"

"I'm sure he does. _Right?"_ Ironhide hissed, but Sunstreaker hung his head.

Wouldn't look at him.

Wouldn't say a word.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Ironhide hunted Sunstreaker down before long, outside the Ark II, watching dusk fade.

"Sparkling, huh?" Ironhide's voice made him jump. Sunstreaker just glared at him.

"What the frag is up with all the _gossiping_ around here? What, did everyone know before I did?"

"No..." Ironhide looked up at the sky, "but we all figured it out pretty fast."

"Oh." Sunstreaker sighed, "right."

"Doesn't take a genius to figure out who's on what side, either."

"There aren't _sides,_ okay? No sides. No game. No winning."

"No losing?"

"No, there's plenty of that," Sunstreaker all-but snarled, "that thing's going to kill us." Ironhide was silent for a suspiciously long time. _"What?"_

"You're killing him, you know." Ironhide said quietly, "we didn't know it at the time, but I guess, right around the time he figured out, he was... insufferable."

"He's always insufferable. It's a Swipe thing."

"Not like this." Ironhide scuffed at the ground, "Look, Sunny-"

" _Don't-"_

"You don't beat _Sideswipe_ up for calling you Sunny."

"'Course not. With him, it's cute." It was something else no one knew about his bonded, that the bot tried hard to be sexy and could have achieved that even without the effort, but, no matter what, he was just so damn _cute_ sometimes that it made Sunstreaker's spark yearn for him.

"Why're you doing this to him if you love him?" The question made Sunstreaker snarl and glare.

" _Because_ I love him. Look what it's _already_ done to him, and it's not even _alive_ yet! I _hate_ seeing him hurt!"

"So your solution is to not see him at all and avoid him? Great thinking, Sunny."

"Stop fragging _calling_ me that," Sunstreaker ground out, "it's not a great solution, but it's a solution, okay?"

"It's not a _solution,_ it's _making it worse!"_

"It's _not my fault!"_ Sunstreaker's tone was nothing but a snarl, "And _I can't see him like that!"_

Couldn't, just couldn't, couldn't think about how he just wanted to tear the life-ruining spark away from his sparkmate- but it was too late for that now, wasn't it- couldn't stand the sparkbreak, the apology, the shame, from _both of them_.

"Whatever, Sunstreaker. All I'm saying is that he needs you right now."

"I'll believe it when _he_ says it."

"Now you're just being slaggin' _stupid."_ Ironhide snapped, "Has he _ever_ actually said it?"

Sunstreaker hated how right Ironhide was.

"You know how he is, better than anyone. And I _know_ you know just how much he needs you. Frag it, Sunny, you can _feel_ him needing you, can't you?!"

Ironhide left before the dusk did. Sunstreaker stayed out, watching as the moon rose and the stars remembered how to shine. They had been there through the daylight's sky, never moving, but it was only in the dark that they shone, like the light stole away their brilliance, their meaning, something only the darkness of night could bring out.

He could feel it. Sideswipe _needed_ him, needed him to say it was all right, that the sparkling wouldn't destroy them, that nothing could.

Sunstreaker feared it already had.

He watched in silence as the stars broke the darkness into pieces.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam was curled up next to Bee on their berth, rhythmic intakes almost lulling Bee into recharge. Bee hadn't thought he could see Sam as a human anymore, but as true as that might have been, he hadn't predicted that it wouldn't _matter._

It was bewildering and it was beautiful, how all he felt was _Sam,_ because everything his bonded was had never changed and never would. The only difference was that now, Bee could hold him tight and really feel like he could protect his sparkmate.

He was grateful that the rest of the world, with all its pain and tears, had faded away. It felt like he actually could protect Sam, when there was nothing that could hurt him.

The reality of truth wasn't something he could believe in anymore, anyways, because he'd depended on seemingly indestructible truths to keep himself going. He'd believed that Optimus was always right, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker would be together forever, Jazz would never cry, Ratchet could fix anything. But Optimus had separated sparkmates, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker were both falling apart separately and together, Jazz was in pieces after losing Prowl, and Bee was holding his breath, hoping, _hoping,_ that Ratchet had been able to save Sam.

Bee just told himself that he could protect Sam. It might have been an unintentional lie, but it was far less painful than believing in the lies that the truth told.

_All carbon fusion, all supernova: to be alive with passion; can be a passion of love or anger, that will outshine all else. Supernovas are the death of a star, and trigger the birth of others, outshining the whole galaxy; in the same way, passion can mark either the death or birth of something. Carbon fusion is when a star takes matter from its stellar companion, becomes heated, and completely changes. Extreme passion will bring about something new and wonderful, or mark a death, and oftentimes, can be both a death and a new beginning, providing the death is not so violent as to completely destroy everything._


	8. A Love Dark Matter Can't Touch

"Y'know, I'm really, really perfectly fine. I mean,  _really,_ I'm so fine that I don't even need to be here, and I'll just-" Sam moved as if to hop off the berth, but Ratchet's glare made him freeze, "and I'll just stay here until you tell me to leave." Sam finished meekly, scooting back on the berth. "Just like ya said to."

"Good." Ratchet moved to turn on the screen mounted on the wall, "this is important, Sam." The image that flashed up made Sam give a weak moan. His spark, again, illuminated on the screen. "I know what's going on. And I wanted to make sure you did too."

"I... yeah... I do..." Sam hung his head, looking anywhere but at the image of his spark, "how... how long do I have... before..."

"Not long." Ratchet turned the screen off, looking at the bot hunched over on the berth. "I'm sorry, Sam... I really am..."

"'S okay." Sam mumbled, still staring at the ground, "I kinda figured it out on my own anyways. It's just... the timing, you know? I've only just gotten better... and now..." he shook his head, voice quiet, "I can't tell Bee. I just can't."

"Sam... he's going to find out. He can feel what you do through your bond. He'll know."

"I know." Sam turned tear-filled optics to Ratchet, "Things were just so perfect, y'know? For a while there, it was all totally perfect." He got up to leave, but at the door, Ratchet stopped him.

"You have about a week left, maybe two." Sam just nodded silently at his words. "Come back tomorrow so I can do another checkup." Another silent nod. He had nearly crossed the medbay when Ratchet spoke again. "Bumblebee is  _different_ , Sam."

Sam looked at him, and Ratchet never knew if the look of hope was unique to Sam's human body, or whether it didn't appear because there simply was no hope to be felt.

"I hope so."

x xxxxxxxxxx x

Sunstreaker found Sideswipe at the window into the inner room of the medbay, one palm flat on the glass, optics fixed on the tiny figure within the room. The once formless metal now looked like a tiny bot, perfectly formed. Sunstreaker set his hand over Sideswipe's on the window.

"I love you, you know" he murmured, "no matter what. I never stopped loving you."

"I'm sorry," Sideswipe whispered, gaze never moving from the room, even as Sunstreaker slipped an arm around him, hands still together. "It was my fault." Sideswipe sounded so broken, so  _hurt,_ that Sunstreaker knew.

It wasn't about them anymore; it couldn't be.

Sunstreaker set his chin on Sideswipe's shoulder, gaze on the little sparkling.

"Don't you understand what that means?" he said quietly. Sideswipe tilted his helm against the window as a small whimper escaped him. "Swipe, our sparkling has you to thank for its sparking."

But Sideswipe wasn't understanding. Sunstreaker could practically see his bonded drawing into himself, shrinking away from him, feeling everything Sunstreaker had always wanted to protect him from.

"He'll be happy" Sunstreaker murmured, "It's all beacuse of you. I bet he already loves you."

"Do you?" Sideswipe asked softly.

"Course I love you. More than the world."

"I mean... him?" He shifted his gaze from Sunstreaker to their sparkling, "...I already love him." Sideswipe whispered, "feels like I'm connected to him. Like with you, but... without having to discover it."

"Him?"

"I could tell..." he turned back to Sunstreaker, "You don't, do you?"

It felt far too much like he would be answering whether he loved his bonded or not.

"Swipe..." Sunstreaker sighed, "I love you. Isn't that enough? It's everything to me."

"Yeah..." Sideswipe looked back to the sparkling, silent for a long, long time.

So silent. Sunstreaker wondered in a terrified haze, for the first time in his life, if he would feel Sideswipe fading away from him, or if he would suddenly realize that half of everything that he was had left him, if it would be gradual, ever-escalating pain, or if it would be sudden, like the screaming agony that would destroy him all at once. He'd never before had to wonder how the world would end.

"He's half you." Sideswipe whispered finally, but Sunstreaker shook his head.

"He's half you, Swipe."

"You, too."  
"Not if he's lucky," Sunstreaker stepped away. Sideswipe couldn't watch him leave.

Before the thought to follow him could even occur, something else caught his attention. The sparkling was moving, proving itself alive.

It was too late to stop the process.

But, as Sideswipe watched, he found that, maybe, he didn't even want to.

x xxxxxxxxx x

Jazz had something on his mind, and he was terrible at hiding that fact. Looking over the top of his datapad, Ironhide could tell at a glance, watching Jazz wander through their quarters in pointless circles. Ironhide waited, and, after some time, Jazz came over to sit on the berth beside him.

"Whatcha readin'?" He slipped under Ironhide's arm to tuck himself against his sparkmate, "Looks boring."

"Patrol schedule. It is boring."

"Ah." Jazz was silent for a few moments, just watching as Ironhide flicked through the schedules. "Hide?" He shifted slightly, closer, "There's something I shoulda told ya a while ago."

Countless scenarios stormed Ironhide's processor, ranging from agonizing to worse.

"I jus'..." Jazz drew in a breath, "see, Prowl left a letter for me. An', he said somethin' that I think I shoulda... shoulda come up with myself." He traced a fingertip over Ironhide's hand absently, "an'... well..." The longer he drew it out, the more scenarios presented themselves, kept secrets ranging from having a different sparkmate to cheating, dangers from the medically disastrous to the Decepticon-triggered catastrophies, "I couldn't'a lived through all this without ya, Hide. Really, really couldn't'a."

Ironhide waited for the seemingly inevitable, "but..."

"But..." the word almost made him flinch, tense, "But I never told ya that. An' I'm sorry." Jazz continued tracing designs over Ironhide's still hand, "Ya really do mean the whole world to me, Hide, an' I love you more than I think you even know."

Ironhide had never realized just how deeply he loved Jazz, until those words made the whole world right again. He pulled Jazz fully into his arms, kissed him, promised him in every way that he felt the same.

"I love you, Jazzy." Ironhide murmured, as Jazz curled up beside him, engine still purring.

"Know what?" Jazz kissed him gently, "you make me whole."

x xxxxxxxxxxx x

Ironhide didn't have the patience that would have made the wait in the medbay slightly more bearable. He'd been there for a short while already, having hurt his knee joint racing Jazz, and felt perfectly  _fine_ now, enough so that he wanted to leave. He was waiting for Ratchet to give him the okay to leave, which the medic was stubbornly refusing to give. Ironhide resisted the urge to sneak out and instead started counting ceiling tiles.

A thin cry made him turn to the open entry, however. Blatantly ignoring Ratchet's orders, he hopped up, snuck over to the doorway. From there, he could see the other, more private, sectioned-off part of the medbay. Across the hall entry, Ratchet was leaving as the sniffling wait quieted.

"Oh my Primus..." Sideswipe's quiet voice made Ironhide lean further around the doorway. Sideswipe stood in the other room, cradling something in his arms. "How did I almost give you up?" His voice was one of almost horror, fading into a soft awe. Ironhide crept forward and could see the tiny sparkling, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry-" Sideswipe cradled the sparkling close, head hung, "You're beautiful...he'd have loved that..." Ironhide couldn't look away from the strikingly beautiful scene of sparkbreaking sorrow, as Sideswipe sobbed over the new sparkling.

"You should be at your berth." Ratchet's scolding made Ironhide jump.

"I heard-" Ironhide started to protest, but saw that Ratchet wasn't listening anymore.

"He wouldn't even let First Aid help me on him," Ratchet said quietly, "so protective. Said he wanted only the best, got First Aid all offended, until he realized that, well… it's his sparkling, what else would Sides want?"

"Sun's never gonna get Sides to give that sparkling up," Ironhide said, "I mean... just look at 'em... that's a love dark matter can't touch."

"I hope so." Ratchet looked towards the other room when they heard footsteps. Sam appeared at Ratchet's shoulder, optics wide.

"It really worked."

"Perfectly." Ratchet confirmed. "All he needs now is a name."

On the other side of the glass, Sideswipe wasn't aware they were still there. "You'll be okay," He was saying, as the sparkling's hands grasped to hold onto him, promising what everyone wanted to tell Sideswipe himself, "I promise. No matter what." He drew in a breath, as the sparkling made reassured humming, clicking noises, "He'd have been so happy... you're everything he'd wanted... you'd be perfect, if that was what he wanted..."

Ironhide had the nearly irrepressible urge to go find a certain bot, hit him until his logic connection hooked back up. It was the way Sideswipe's words made it sound like his sparkmate was lost to him, the way he'd looked up like he'd expected to see Sunstreaker there. The way the sight was like a bridge missing the second shore, making the bridge waver and the other support struggle to keep it held up. Sideswipe kissed the tiny helm, as the sparkling made happy humming noises.

"You're perfect to me."

At those sparkbreaking words, Ironhide couldn't have moved if he'd wanted to.

Sideswipe never noticed them, completely absorbed in the sparkling he held, untouchable.

The memory that resurfaced in Ironhide's processor was one of a distant planet, where time had seemed to have accelerated to an era of endless progress. The sunset, fading light flashing off of metal edges, and as the sun sank, the lights of the city began to illuminate themselves. The structure caught in the beautiful crossfire of the lights had been a steel bridge, a bridge with only one side supported.

The strongest bridge structure in the galaxy looked incomplete, as the sun's light sank away and the city beyond lit up the sky every night, it remained the only bridge to have never fallen.

x xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x

Sam had never known the night sky could be so dark. The moon barely cut a sliver out of the sky, the stars covered with a smoky haze of clouds. He could barely make out Sunstreaker's form as he cautiously picked his way across the field.

"Hey, Sun," Sam ventured, coming up next to him. He'd never quite realized the true meaning of "toughliner" before; he'd always seen that the not-twins were big, but, hell,  _all_ the bots had seemed huge to him, when he was a human. Now that he was a bot, he could see the distinct differences between them, could recognize that Optimus was tall, Jazz's movements fluid, Bee small and still taller than Sam, the actual-twins gangly. The pair of toughliners, he could now realize, were the broad-shouldered and lanky, and standing next to Sunstreaker, he could see exactly why they were invaluable in battle.

And incredibly intimidating.

"Did you want something, Sam?" Sunstreaker asked, when Sam didn't say anything.

"I... um... I kinda wanted to ask you something."

"Shoot."

"Um..." Sam drew in a shaky breath, "are you... are you and Sideswipe... over?"

Sunstreaker gave no response, just looked down at him, expression completely unfathomable, until Sam stammered some sort of excuse about Bee calling him, and raced back to the Ark II.

Sunstreaker had never understood the term "over" until Sam said it again, had never understood how someone could  _be_ over, but now- now, he did.

Over, as if an entire world had collapsed in on itself, fading and breaking until whatever it was that had been thriving and growing and living was gone.

Over.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bee knew he'd never get used to sharing the berth with Sam. He loved it too much, loved the way Sam snuggled up against him and stayed there all night. Something about waking up to find Sam beside him, feeling his embrace, Bee knew it would never feel anything less than extraordinary.

As Sam fell into recharge next to him, Bee found the datapad he'd hidden from Sam.

_A love dark matter can't touch: dark matter is invisible, and the only way to know it is there is by watching everything around it be affected by it; it can do this to anything in the universe that comes near, no matter what it is. To be untouchable by such a strong, unbeatable force is to have unmatched strength, making the love completely and absolutely invincible._

 

 


	9. Despair Is Like The Death Of Stars

"I can't believe we're doing this." Ironhide hissed, but the only response he got was to be shushed by Jazz.

"Wouldja rather _ask_ 'em if he's okay?" Jazz was fiddling with the sound volume.

"Other way" Bee pointed out, as Sam adjusted the monitors. "That's lowering the volume." The four had convinced Red Alert to take a break, and sent Blustreak to detain him. Primus only knew that Bluestreak could talk long enough for them to not only see what they wanted, but to spend the night in the security room, had they so wished.

"There we go." Jazz stepped back, as the sound finally met his expectations. "Next time, we're gonna use a camera that's already set up."

"We're not _doing_ this _again_ " Ironhide protested and Jazz just grinned and shushed him again. "Jazz!"

_"Shhh!"_

"Jazz-" Ironhide tried again to justify his speaking, and Jazz grabbed him and kissed him hard.

 _"Shh."_ Jazz stepped away, turning back to the monitors, sly smirk on his face.

"That wasn't even fair" Ironhide muttered.

They had placed the camera in the not-twins' quarters, and onscreen, nothing significant had happened yet. Sunstreaker was currently in the rec room, studying the patrol schedule, and Sideswipe was still in their quarters.

"He really is cute" Sam's words made the other three bots stare at him.

"Something you'd like to tell me, Sam?" Bee smirked, and Sam flushed a dull read.

"I meant the _sparkling!"_ he jabbed a finger towards the screen, "Jeeze... like I'd cheat on you... and with one of _them,_ no doubt..."

"Yeah, I didn't think you were into their kinda thing." Bee kissed his forehead, smiling.

"Finally," Ironhide said, as Sunstreaker left the rec room. Meanwhile, the sparkling's happy babbling could be heard from the other camera's speakers. The four watched as Sunstreaker came into the not-twins' quarters, Sideswipe looking up sharply at the sound.

"Schedule's fixed," Sunstreaker said, joining Sideswipe on the berth, "you're not assigned to three places at once anymore."

"Thanks." Sideswipe's gaze shifted from him to the sparkling, who was on his lap, watching them. "Ratchet let him leave the medbay."

"Oh." Sunstreaker's gaze stayed on his sparkmate, "I just wanted to tell you that. I've got patrol now." He slid back off the berth, "see you later." He'd gone before Sideswipe could find anything to say.

The sparkling started sniffling, bright optics fixed on Sideswipe. "What?" Sideswipe lifted the sparkling into his arms, "What do you want?" he murmured, cradling the sparkling, who continued to whimper, starting to cry. Sideswipe looked towards the door. "Yeah," he said softly, "me too."

"Never knew it was that bad" Ironhide said quietly. "Guess despair's like the death of stars." At his words, Sam looked to Bee, but Bee shook his head, a look that promised " _later."_

"That _liar."_ Jazz muttered, "He said he's perfectly _fine."_

"He's a good liar. You believed him?" Ironhide asked, and Jazz nodded.

"Sides would make a good lawyer," Sam said, getting a confused look from Bee.

"What's that?"

"Forget it, Bee" Sam smiled. "Long story." On another screen, Red Alert was in the rec room, sitting at a table across from Bluestreak.

"Looks like poor Red Alert's about to start bashing his head against a wall," Jazz said, starting for the door, "we'd better go save him from Blue. Bot means well, but… it's enough to drive a bot mad." Ironhide followed him out.

"Sam?" Bee said softly, "are you okay?" the gentle tone filled Sam with a reluctant shame.

"Sure." He knew he sounded evasive, couldn't help it. "Totally okay. Really."

"Sam-"

"We should go. Red Alert's gonna be back soon." Sam broke in, making Bee frown slightly, concern painfully evident on his face.

"Coming?" Bee slid his hand into Sam's, optics turned to him. Sam looked once more at the screen; the sparkling was in recharge, having cried himself to sleep.

"Think he'll be okay?"

"'Course he will. Sides loves him, he'll take care of him, whether Sun helps or not."

Sam said nothing. He hadn't been asking about the sparkling.

x xxxxxxxxxxxx x

"So..." First Aid meandered over to where Sideswipe was lying on the rec room couch, as the sparkling tried to climb over the back and failed repeatedly. "Hasn't been a sparkling in _ages."_

"Yeah." Sideswipe put out a hand to keep the sparkling from toppling over backwards. "He's special."

"Yup," First Aid leaned on the back of the couch. The sparkling saw him and giggled, bouncing on the cushions. "Real rarity."

"Uh-huh..." suspicion had started to creep into Sideswipe's voice.

"I... uh.... we-ell...." he traced a fingertip over the cushions, "see.... I've never gotten to see one before, and... was wondering... their processors..."

"No."

"But-"

"No."

" _Please-"_

"No!" Sideswipe growled. The sparkling paused in his cushion-climbing to look over, babble something cheery. "You are _not_ doing _any_ medical experiment things on _my_ sparkling."

"But- it's more of an _examination..."_ First Aid whined.

"I'd sooner send you to _examine_ the deepest reaches of _the Pit."_ Sideswipe snarled, and First Aid heaved a sigh.

"I don't _wanna_ examine _there..."_

"Then stay away from him." Sideswipe shrugged a shoulder. The sparkling's hand managed to grasp onto the cushion, but he slipped back and bounced down again.

"But _Sides..."_ First Aid's pitiful wheedle was broken off by the sound of running footsteps.

"FIRST AID!" Hound's voice proceeded the tackle, and First Aid crashed to the ground.

"What was _that_ for?!" First Aid howled, as Hound hopped back up.

"Keep ya on your toes, Aid. Gotta be prepared for anything!"

"Go tackle Mirage or someone prepared instead!"

"Sure," Hound grinned, "but I'd rather do that to him on a berth." He sauntered off again, whistling jauntily as First Aid groaned, and the sound of his head hitting the floor could be heard. First Aid's hand flailed over the back of the couch, grabbing on to haul himself back up. The sparkling started giggling wildly, falling back onto the cushions.

"He's laughing at me." First Aid grumbled, as he got back up.

"Yeah." Sideswipe grinned. "He's got a good sense of humor." First Aid growled.

"na-a-na-saaa-ma!" the sparkling babbled, pointing to First Aid. Sideswipe smiled, kissed him.

"Absolutely."

"What did he just say?!" First Aid demanded. Sideswipe shrugged.

"I have no idea." Then he smiled. "But it was awful cute, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, yeah" First Aid couldn't help but smile as the sparkling continued babbling nonsense. "He's real cute. You're lucky."

"I know." But First Aid couldn't ignore the slight twinge of wistful sorrow to Sideswipe's voice.

"Can I ask you something?" First Aid ventured. Sideswipe shrugged. "Only because I'm worried about you. I just... are you mad at him?"

"Him?"

"Sunstreaker?" First Aid asked, and Sideswipe was silent for a moment.

"No," he reached again to keep the sparkling from falling, "because... that's not Sun." First Aid looked at him, confusion on his face. "Not mine."

There was nothing First Aid could say to him, because Sideswipe was right, right that Sunstreaker wasn't acting like he should have.

And also because he was wrong, wrong because, above all, it was still Sunstreaker and he would always be Sideswipe's.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Ironhide didn't care much for video games, but he loved watching Jazz play. The game didn't interest him, but Jazz's reactions were incredibly entertaining.

"NO! NO NO NO NO NO! WHY DID YOU _DO_ THAT?!" Jazz howled, as his character slumped to the ground, victim to a sniper. "THAT WASN'T EVEN FAIR! I HAD HIM IN MY FRAGGING SIGHTS!"

The game was new, a first person shooter that Sam had recommended, and was even more interesting to watch Jazz play than the car racing games had been. Granted, on the car games, it was highly entertaining to watch Jazz create cars that were exactly like the alt forms of the other bots and mercilessly crash them, preferably while the bot actually possessing that alt form was watching. Jazz hadn't done that in a while, and Ironhide knew why. Jazz's absolute _favorite_ way to aggravate Prowl had been to choose the option of driving a police car, and careen around the tracks haphazardly, making Prowl groan at all the near-misses.

 _"You're on the wrong side of the road!"_ Prowl would scream, as Jazz made the car skid around a semi truck barreling towards it. And Jazz would laugh hysterically, as Prowl snatched the controller away from him and steered the car away from an oncoming train.

" _Stop that!_ You PIT-DAMNED SLAGGER! Stop _DOING_ THAT!" Jazz was half sobbing as his character was shot in the back by a man he hadn't even seen coming. He got his revenge a few minutes later, after ten minutes laboriously stalking the other character with painstaking caution, and got to snipe him. Jazz spent a few rounds shooting at the body, but by that time, the other character had found him and sent him to the ground.

"I _hate_ that guy" Jazz grumbled, tossing the controller to the table. Ironhide pulled him over and kissed him soundly.

"It's okay. He doesn't even exist."

"Yeah…" Jazz sighed heavily, "but if he _did,_ man, I'd'a had a few words with _him!"_

"I'm sure" Ironhide hid a smile; knowing Jazz, if he ever met the guy, they'd become fast friends. Jazz curled up in his lap, still glowering at the screen.

"He shouldn't be allowed to have a sniper rifle when I don't have one too." Jazz's pout was never anything Ironhide could take seriously.

"You threw yours out a window."

"I didn't _mean_ to!" Jazz slouched down, leaning back against Ironhide's chest, "And he had grenades."

"You used all yours up throwing them at the fountain."

"It made the water go all _whoosh!"_ Jazz threw his hands up into the air to demonstrate how the water had exploded into movement, "and it was pretty." He settled back against Ironhide again. "Unfair game…"

"Not this game, too?" Sideswipe wandered in, sparkling humming happily in his arms. "Don't you say that about every single one?"

"I hate when they sneak up on me"

"I doubt coming from the front would be a real great stealth tactic." Sideswipe sat at the table, pulling the patrol schedule towards him. He kept it held away from the sparkling, who reached for the datapad with fascination.

Jazz was quiet for a few minutes, then twisted to look up at Ironhide. "Can I ask ya somethin'?" He surged on before Ironhide could reply, "'bout Will?"

Ironhide had avoided talking about Will as much as possible; he hadn't thought he'd miss the human so much. Ironhide had spent all of Will's life hoping that the soldier would live through every battle; he counted it among his greatest blessings that Will had. Will had taken the rise through the ranks by storm, earning respect from everyone he met; despite all that, nothing had made him happier than being with his daughter and his wife, and those were the memories that Ironhide had been sure to save, save, save again.

"'Course, Jazzy," he managed to say, keeping memories at bay. "What is it?"

"I never really got 'ta know him in battle… what was it, that made him such a great leader 'ta everyone? I mean, I knew he was smart, and all that, but what made 'em so different? Everyone said he was a real cut above." Ironhide turned his face to the back of Jazz's neck, drawing in an intake.

"Compassion." Ironhide said softly. "Will cared."

The footsteps at the doorway drew only Jazz and Sideswipe's attention. Optimus stood there, only a few paces inside the room.

"Would he'a sent the same team to the 'con attack?" Jazz asked.

"No." Ironhide said quietly. "He would have done anything else, tried everything else first. He did that once. He'd assigned a soldier to a particular mission, and that man's wife was also under Will's command, and when she asked to come instead of someone else, so she could be with her husband, he let her."

"He wouldn't have made anyone do what Sides and Sun had to, would he? Or done what almost happened to us?" Jazz's optics stayed on Optimus, Ironhide never looking up to see.

"Never." Ironhide said, "Will would never have done that."

Optimus remained silent, every kind of regret on his face.

"Do you blame yourself for all this, Prime?" Sideswipe asked, the raw hurt in his voice barring anything but the utmost sorrow from Optimus, his question saying too clearly that all the bots already blamed Optimus. The sparkling babbled something incoherent, turning his face into the crook of Sideswipe's neck, away from Optimus. Optimus flinched; Ratchet had said sparklings had a connection to the bots who had sparked them, but he'd never before seen it so blatantly obvious, that the sparkling could feel the same emotions. The sparkling started to cry quietly, hiccupping.

"Does he have a name?" Optimus asked instead, gesturing to the sparkling. Sideswipe's gaze was hard.

"Euclid."

"Does that mean anything?"

"No." Sideswipe said, looking down at the quietly sobbing sparkling.

"Why not choose a name that means something?"

"Why should I?" Sideswipe all-but snarled at him, "nothing else does."

Optimus left in silence, as Sideswipe coaxed Euclid's cries into silence.

"It's better that it doesn't mean somethin' yet" Jazz said, watching the tiny sparkling. "This way, he can make it mean somethin' new."

"That would be good," Sideswipe said, voice distant, like everything he was had taken refuge somewhere far, far away from where they all were now.

X xxxxxxxxxxxx x

It still worried Bee, whenever Sam went to see Ratchet. He knew he had no reason to worry, logically. Sam was perfectly fine, and the concern was merely a throwback to the intense fear from when Sam had been in the medbay for so long.

Despite all logic, Bee still couldn't understand why Sam was suddenly so quiet, why something like worry was always twisting through their bond, a worry Sam wouldn't talk about.

Bee didn't want to be worried anymore. He wanted everything to turn out fine, for everything to go back to that brief, beautiful time, before Sam started feeling fear again.

_Despair is like the death of stars: Countless stars have violent deaths in the universe, but even though these deaths are explosive, no one sees them, or knows they exist. Despair is destructive and means something like death, or worse, but a lot of the time, no matter how much someone is suffering, no one else sees it happening to them. The night sky doesn't reveal the stars that are dying far away, just shows the ones that are alive and shining._

_xxxxxxxxxxxx_


	10. Dark Energy

"Sam." Ratchet's voice was metered with quite patience, "It's been more than a week."

"I know" Sam was staring down at the floor with rapt attention, "I just..."

"Does Bumblebee still not know?" Ratchet asked, and Sam just shook his head no. "Sam..."

"Not yet." Sam mumbled. "I can't. Not yet."

"You only have about a week left. Don't you think it's better to tell him before he just... finds out?"

"I will..." Sam hopped off the berth, "Soon."

Ratchet watched him leave, said nothing at all.

x xxxxxxxxxxxxx x

"He doesn't _need_ to be held all the time." Sunstreaker's voice made Sideswipe pause, looking back down the hallway to see his sparkmate. He couldn't remember the last time Sunstreaker had so much as referred to Euclid, and tried to tell himself that this was progress.

Sideswipe hadn't wanted their sparkling to become some sort of ghost between, visible only to himself, but that was the way it was. The only saving grace was that Euclid barely seemed to notice anymore, that his sparklink was only truly to one bot. In a way similiar to how sparkmates were linked, sparklings had a sparklink to the bots that sparked them. Sideswipe half suspected Sunstreaker had put up guards against his own link with Euclid, and Sideswipe didn't know whether that was sparkbreaking, the abandonment of all hope, or simply better, so that Euclid would never know what he was missing.

"No... but he likes it." Sideswipe turned hopeful optics to Sunstreaker, "want to?"

"Hold him?" Sunstreaker's gaze flickered down to Euclid, who was tracing designs on Sideswipe's armor with his fingertip and babbling to himself. "...no..."

Sideswipe was too adept at hiding how crushed he was.

"Fine." He turned away, and Sunstreaker had the distinct feeling that Sideswipe was protecting Euclid from him, "have you seen Bee?"

"Rec room, why?" he followed Sideswipe out of the room.

"I have patrol now." Bee was in the rec room, watching Mirage and Hound compete for last place on a video game, "Beeee, wanna do me a favor?" Bee grinned.

"Yes!"

Sunstreaker was confused for a moment, then realized, slowly, hesitantly, the familiarity the situation must have had.

"You be good for Bee," Sideswipe pressed a kiss to Euclid's helm, "or you'll find out what a brig is."

"You always did strike me as tough love posterboy" Sam snorted, as Bee cuddled Euclid in his arms. Sideswipe stepped away; Euclid's optics darted after him, hands reaching out as he started to sniffle.

"Oh.. 's fussy today" Sideswipe crouched down, as Euclid wrapped a hand around his finger, "didn't recharge. He'll be okay." He kissed Euclid's helm, "you be good."

Sunstreaker tried not to notice how hard it was for Sideswipe to leave with him.

Sideswipe never talked about Euclid to Sunstraeker. Sunstreaker half wanted to mention him, but had the distinct impression that he'd already failed, and that Sideswipe didn't want him near the sparkling anymore, like he'd already proved how much hurt he could cause.

"So... why Bee?" he ventured, as Sideswipe trailed after him down the hallway. Sideswipe shrugged a shoulder.

"He's best at him. Him and Sam."

"Not Jazz and Hide or anyone?"

"No. Jazz plays rough." Sideswipe shook his head. "And Hide isn't attentive." The last time, Jazz had been tossing Euclid up and catching him, and while Euclid had been ecstatic, Sideswipe had had a very descriptive threat of what he was going to do to Jazz if it ever happened again. Ironhide was similarly deemed unfit, having forgotten Euclid behind when he'd left the rec room. The sparkling hadn't gone anywhere, just continued his favorite activity of trying to climb up the couch, but Sideswipe had been less than pleased.

"And no one else, then."

"No. Ratchet's always busy, I don't want Prime anywhere near him, Blue's a little too forgetful, the twins are still off somewhere and I don't trust them anyways, Red Alert's busy too, Wheeljack is near explosives all the time and he's even _more_ busy, Mirage and Hound are always distracting each other, and that's it." He turned away, and Sunstreaker knew he was aware.

 _I'd never ask you,_ Sideswipe wasn't saying, _you're the worst for him._

Part of Sideswipe's spark seemed forever dedicated to Euclid. Sunstreaker had to wonder, though, if he'd forever lost that part of Sideswipe.

Sunstreaker could understand why Sideswipe never mentioned Euclid to him.

Back in the rec room, Bee had given Euclid to Sam, having had enough of watching Jazz's video game character fall victim to the same exact sniper.

"That's the forty-second time he's gotten you" Bee sighed, taking the controlled from Jazz's hands, "you think you'd see it coming by now."

Euclid was a very talkative sparkling, Sam had come to realize. He wasn't saying anything that made even remote sense, but seemed to believe he was, expecting a response from Sam. He babbled something, pointing at the screen and looking at Sam expectantly. The other bots weren't paying attention to them, and he clearly expected _someone_ to reply to him.

"....yes?" Sam wasn't sure what to reply, but it seemed to please the tiny bot, as he settled into Sam's arms contentedly. The sparkling put a tiny hand on Sam's armor, said something nonsensical. "That's black." Sam said. "The color." Euclid blinked up at him, then pointed to his own arm. "And that's red. That's black again. That's red. And that's yellow." The sparkling was red, yellow and black, an undeniable testament to the bots that had sparked him. Euclid pointed again to the red metal, smiling suddenly.

"Raaaa!"

"Red." Sam corrected, "Like Sides." Euclid made a growling noise and giggled wildly. It was always amazing to Sam, that the Autobot baby was so _advanced._ Human babies didn't have such an incredibly rapid pace of development. Euclid was already mimicking noises, repeating the sounds from the game Sideswipe played with him.

"Grrrr-" He growled up at Sam, waving his hands like a tiger's swiping motions, "grrr!"

"Yeah, I know you like that game" Sam grinned, as Euclid put his hands over his face, then peeked out. "I see you" Euclid giggled again, putting his hands over his face again, "Where's Euclid? There you are!"

"You see?" Bee was saying to Jazz, who was glowering at the screen, "it's as easy as that."

"...for you, maybe..."

Sam looked back down; Euclid was humming, and the melody seemed familiar. "Hey, you learned that already?" Sam asked, optics wide. "That's Sides's lullaby for you. You know it?" Euclid continued humming, content.

Bee came over, kissed Sam gently. "Doesn't Jazz just suck at that game?" On the couch, Jazz growled.

"Most definitely" Sam flashed an innocent smile at him, and Jazz gave him a look of absolute death.

"Hey..." Bee said softly, reaching down to tickle Euclid, who giggled, "D'you think we'll ever have one?"

All Sam saw was the way Sideswipe no longer seemed the same, the way Sunstreaker always looked lost. The arguments and the silences, and the undeniable fact that they could never go back to exactly how they were.

"I don't know." Sam said quietly, looking down at the sparkling. "Is it beacuse of him that they fell apart? Or coincidental?"

"I don't want to believe that he's their dark energy." Bee said quietly. "I wish I didn't have to."

All Sam saw was that the world seemed to have lost one of the greatest loves he had ever seen.

x xxxxxxxxxxxxxx x

"Well, we know _he_ hasn't changed one bit" Ratchet grumbled, yanking another wrench down from the ceiling. All of his wrenches had been hung from the ceiling, tantalizingly just out of reach.

"Maybe if you were taller..." Ironhide mused, ducking when Ratchet hurled a wrench at him.

"I'm going to _kill_ Sides." Ratchet growled, trying to grab hold of one of the dangling wrenches. "That slagger..."

"What's happenin?" Jazz poked his head through the doorway, started snickering, "looks like a real party in here…"

"I see everyone's on task" Optimus's voice made Jazz flinch and dart away from the doorway. Ratchet said something about needing to find a ladder and disappeared into his office. "I believe I owe you an explanation, Jazz." Optimus said, and Jazz frowned, said nothing. "I chose the team based on strategy. It didn't occur to me to consider other factors, and I regret that." Jazz remained silent. "As to whether that is to blame for what has happened, I do not know. It may have been inevitable, to some degree, but whenever something that happens, self-blame is always inevitable." Jazz watched as Optimus turned to leave.

"That's something else that makes a great leader" He finally said, "it's not because

you're always right, it's because you know when you're wrong."

Optimus looked at him for a long moment.

"Someone did say that to me before. One of the greatest leaders I have ever known. I'm

not surprised to see you following in his footsteps."

"Who?" Jazz asked, and Optimus smiled.

"Prowl."

X xxxxxxxxxx x

Bee had been watching Sam ever since Sideswipe had taken Euclid back, leaving them alone in the rec room.

"Sam?" Bee ventured, "what's wrong?" Sam slouched down on the couch next to him, frowning.

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"Nuh-uh."

"Liar."

"I'm _fine."_

"Liar."

"Nothing's wrong!"

"Liar."

"I'm totally and completely fine, Bee!"

"Liar."

"It's _nothing!"_

"Liar."

" _Fine!_ " Sam finally broke, the desperation breaking Bee's spark, "I'm not fine, okay? _Everything's wrong!_ " Bee pulled Sam into his arms, held the shaking bot as he sobbed into Bee's chest, "It's all wrong and it's all my fault, and I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"

"Sam, I know you couldn't have done anything wrong. I promise."

"You can't promise that." Sam mumbled something and the audible part sounded like, "gonna hate me."

"Who's gonna hate you for it?" Bee asked. Sam turned his face into Bee's neck.

"You are" he whispered.

"Then I _can_ promise that. There is _nothing_ you could do that would make me hate you. _I promise."_

"This would." Sam sounded more broken than Bee wanted to even imagine the reason for, just wanted to protect his sparkmate and make him feel better, wanted for all the world for Sam to stop hurting. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He hid his face again, "everything was perfect and nothing was wrong and I wrecked it all," he whispered so softly Bee could barely heard him, " _I'm sorry…"_

"Please, Sam. Tell me what's wrong." Bee pleaded, hugging him tight. Sam didn't look up.

"I'm carrying a sparkling."

Bee's spark nearly stopped.

"A _sparkling?_ " he managed to choke out. Sam nodded miserably, starting to sob again.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"

"No, Sam." Bee pulled back, "no, no, no, it's _not-"_

_"I'm sorry...."_

"Sam, it's _not bad."_ Bee insisted, kissing the top of his head, "Sam, that's _great!"_ Sam looked up, to meet shining optics that made every word a promise, "Really? You really, really are?!"Sam nodded mutely. Bee smiled, hugging him tight again. "I can't believe it, I really, really can't!" He caught Sam's lips against his, kissing him sweet, "Oh, my Primus... I just..." he drew in a breath, but Sam could still feel the absolute _joy_ that flooded through their bond, "boy or girl?"

Sam finally, finally smiled.

"Girl." He caught Bee's hand in his, "feel." He laid Bee's hand over his spark, and instantly, Bee's face lit up.

"I can feel her sparkbeat." Bee whispered in a sort of marveled awe, optics bright, "Primus, Sam... she's actually _there!"_

Sam realized that he should have known. He should have just _known_ that Bee would have been thrilled to bits, that he would have loved Sam all the same.

Then again, Sam wondered if Sideswipe had thought the same about Sunstreaker, too.

Bee was still chattering on about the sparkling, about how he hard it would be to name her, how she would be so cute if she was the same silvery black as Sam and his own bright yellow, how he couldn't _wait_ to finally see her.

"-and she would be just so incredibly _cute_ and how are we supposed to pick a _name,_ that's so hard! And how much longer? I don't want to wait a _whole entire week!_ She- what?" he paused, noticing the way Sam was looking at him with amazement. Sam just hugged him.

"I love you, Bee."

Before long, Jazz and Ironhide came back into the rec room, discussing something that sounded like a plot to hide all the ladders in the medbay and then suspend wrenches from the ceiling. The not-twins followed, Sunstreaker silent, and Sideswipe arguing with Ironhide about stealing an already-done prank. Jazz paused, however, looking over at the other pair. Sam was reading a datapad, flicking through a list of sparkling names, Bee too distracted to read, just humming and watching Sam .

"What's got you so happy, Bee?" Jazz asked.

"You noticed?" Bee questioned, and Jazz laughed.

"Hard not to." He poked Bee gently, "tell me, tell me!"

"We-ell... I'm not sure I should..." Bee grinned, "Maybe you should have to wait to find out." "That'd wouldn't be _fair!"_ Jazz protested, the whine making Ironhide laugh.

"I dunno, what if I told you... next week? Or, hey, what about in _two weeks?_ "

"Bee!"

Ironhide just laughed at the pair of them; Primus only knew that Bee wouldn't be able to wait a week, either, as impatient as Jazz when it came to good news being kept secret.

"Fine, fine." None of the bots had seen Bee so happy before, certainly never before he'd been with Sam, "Sam's gonna have a sparkling!"

Ironhide didn't miss the way Sideswipe looked at Sunstreaker, like _why weren't you like that?_ and he didn't miss the way that Sunstreaker looked away.

"Know what you should name 'em?" Jazz grinned, "Zzaj."

"What does _that_ mean?" Sam asked, looking up.

"It's my name backwards."

"Yeah… we'll… we'll keep that in mind." Sam said, trying to keep a straight face as Bee

attempted to hide his snickering.

Ironhide and Jazz eventually wandered back out, and before long, Sunstreaker started to leave. Almost without seeming to realize, Sideswipe went to follow him, but paused by Bee and

Sam.

"Hey," he looked down at the two of them, Euclid asleep in his arms. "You guys will

love having a sparkling."

Maybe, Sam thought, maybe Euclid wasn't driving them apart. Maybe he was just holding Sideswipe together, existence perfectly aligned with something horribly inevitable.

Sam doubted he would ever truly know.

X xxxxxxxxxxxxx x

Bee had never been any good at being able to sleep when something exciting had happened. It was too distracting, and recharge didn't seem as important. Sam was deep in recharge already, and Bee put his datapad aside and tried to sleep as well.

_  
_Dark Energy: The dark energy of bots is like the theory of dark energy in space- it is what pushes galaxies apart. The dark energy between two bots is whatever is causing them to drift apart. The theory of dark energy is countered by one that time is simply running out. The dark energy of two bots, therefore, also implies that, rather, it is not something that is forcing them apart, it is merely that their time is running out. It is difficult to tell which is true._ _


	11. Stellar Eclipse

"YOU  _STUPID, SLAGGING-"_

_"OWWWWW!"_

"I SWEAR TO PRIMUS-"  
"OWWWW! STOP THAT!"

Sam knew he had a lot of catching up to do in regards to what he had yet to see, but he was fairly certain that  _none_ of the bots had seen  _this_ before.

Sunstreaker was running around the outside of the ark, hunted by Ratchet, who heaved a wrench that narrowly missed hitting Sunstreaker.

"Is he....  _really?"_ Sam asked, looking up at Bee, who looked equally bewildered.

"I heard he redecorated the medbay, and I guess that's what Ratchet thought of it."

"Huh." Sam stood there for a few more minutes, watching Sunstreaker's next lap around the Ark, not noticing when Ratchet stopped chasing and just waited for him to appear again. "Sure that's why?"

A parciuarly loud clang echoed around when a wrench collided with Sunstreaker's head.

"OW!" He howled, reversing direction and running in the other direction.

Sam and Bee decided to duck back into the Ark before any stray wrenches found new targets.

"He kind of had it coming" Bee mused; Sam stopped him halfway down the corridor tugging him in the other direction from the rec room.

"For redecorating the medbay?"

"Maybe. Or maybe not just that," Bee shrugged, as Sam led him through the doorway of the medbay. "What's here?"

"Surprise for you" Sam grinned, beckoning him over to the wide window that looked in on one of the rooms. "Close your eyes." Bee did so, and Sam led him over until they were in front of the window. "Okay. Open."

Bee's optics went wide, gaping at what was in the room. "Primus..." he breathed, optics bright, "I can't even..." he shook his head, speechless, "Sam..."

"I wanted to surprise you." Sam smiled when Bee's hand found his and squeezed.

" _Primus...."_ Bee managed, "Sam... she's beautiful..."

The sparkling in the tiny berth was yellow, with black metal that had a sheen more like Sam's.

"Ratchet says she'll be waking up soon. Well... the bot equivalent." Sam smiled, optics fixed on the tiny figure, "I never knew she could be so perfect."

"I can't  _wait_ until we get to hold her" Bee was practically bouncing with excitement, "and we get to name her! Oh, Primus, how will we even  _start_ to choose a name? It has to be beautiful, just like her, and perfect, just like her, and  _Primus,_ Sam, isn't she the most _amazing_ little thing you've ever  _seen?"_

Sam had, time and again, wondered if it was possible to love Bee even more than he had at that particular moment. When Bee had reacted with thrilled excitment at hearing about the sparkling, Sam had thought it was simply impossible to love anyone more than he loved Bee at that moment.

Now, though, he saw that it wasn't impossible and never would be, because now, he loved Bee so much, it felt like there was nothing else in the world, and the way Bee was bursting with love for  _their sparkling..._ Sam was in awe of it, of how much he could _love_ Bee.

After a little longer, Sam eventually coaxed Bee away from the window, reassuring him that she wasn't going to be awake for another few days. The shouts from the rec room became louder as they neared, and Sam's curiosity peaked as he heard Jazz's wild laughter.

" _Primus,_ Jazzy, did you  _have_ to do that?!" Ironhide was howling, as Jazz laughed. "Gaaaah! No! No!" Upon entering the rec room, Sam could see Jazz and Ironhide by the wide screen, Jazz playing a car racing video game. A pickup truck was careening around the track, and, as they watched, smashed straight into a wall, no evidence whatsoever of Jazz trying to avoid the accident. "The  _paint,_ Jazz, think of the  _paint!"_ Ironhide groaned, head in his hands.

"Watch! Watch!" Jazz all-but giggled, as the pickup truck screeched past a semi truck that barreled by.

"THE SIDE MIRROR!" Ironhide roared, and Jazz collapsed into a fit of laughter, nearly falling off the couch. The rec room door opened, and Bluestreak came in next. He paused a moment, confusion on his face as he watched the game.

"Jazz... are you sure you know how to play?" he asked, and Jazz just smirked.

"Oh, he knows, all right," Ironhide grumbled.

"Sure looks like it" Bluestraek rolled his optics, "anyhow, Jazz, Red Alert wants to see you. Something about blowing out a speaker..."

"Oh, right..." Jazz grinned sheepishly, "Had a 'lil mishap with one of those things." He put the game on pause and tossed the controller aside as he hopped up, "I'll be back ta mess up your paint job s'more later, Hide!" He bounced out of the room.

"Haven't seen this game in a while" Bee said, flopping down on one of the chairs. He was still humming happily to himself, Sam noted with a smile.

"Well, yeah," Ironhide nodded, looking thoughtful, "it's good to see him getting over it, even if just a little." Sam looked to Bee for an explanation. Bee pulled Sam into his lap, kissing him.

"It's something he used to play with Prowl" he explained, with a small smile. "Looks like he's starting to do better, without Prowl. It's been hard on him."

Losing anyone was hard, Sam knew, didn't need any more explanation. He doubted there was anything harder. It was like something that meant  _everything_ was suddenly missing, like something invisible and still dark had enveloped it, stealing it away, until there was nothing left but a gaping hole.

As if timed just to prove him wrong, Sideswipe wandered in then, Euclid babbling cheerfully at full speed; Sunstreaker wandered in a few moments later, going to talk to Bluestreak instead of joining Sideswipe over by Ironhide. There was one thing harder, Sam remembered, even as he watched Sideswipe smile at his sparkling, it must have been harder to lose someone without really losing them at all.

"Hey, Bee" Sam said softly, "I had a question."

"Hmmm?"

"Remember... how you and Jazz  _had_ to be with your sparkmate? How come Sides and Sunny aren't like that?" He kept his voice low, so none of the other bots would hear.

"Not everyone is." Bee said quietly. "Some bots are just made like that."

"Maybe it's because what they need. I needed you with the human to bot change... I couldn't have done it alone... and Jazz needed Hide to live through Prowl's death. Maybe... your spark knew that?"

"I dunno." Bee lifted his head, caught Sideswipe's optics and beckoned him over. Sam doubted Bee's sanity as Bee directed the same question at Sideswipe.

"If your spark knows if you need your bonded to survive or not?" Sideswipe asked once Bee had finished. Sam didn't miss the way Sunstreaker turned towards them. "That's definitely not true" Sideswipe said sharply. The harsh tone made Euclid look up at him, optics wide with clear sympathy.

"Why not?" Sunstreaker asked. Sam leaned his head against Bee's chest, dreading what was going to happen. Bee had an expression of regret on his face.

"Because" Sideswipe snarled at Sunstreaker, "What makes you think  _I_  don't still need  _you?"_

Sunstreaker had no answer, and Sam doubted there was one to be found anywhere in the world.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
It was the most adorable thing Sam had ever seen, the way Bee was drawn almost magnetically to the window of the medbay. Sam himself could be fascinated by watching their sparkling for ages, and that Bee was, too, just made him fall more for his bot.

"Soon, huh?" Sideswipe's voice made them both turn. Neither had seen him in the past two days since talking in the rec room. Euclid waved at them, smiling. "She's cute."

"Yeah..." Bee's voice had a dreamy quality to it that made Sam smile. "But, hey, Sides..." he seemed to shake himself out of it, "I just wanted to say sorry. I hadn't... hadn't meant to hit a nerve, I wasn't thinking...."

"It's okay." Sideswipe turned to the window instead, expressionless, "I hate being treated like a minefield. It's nice, not to have everyone scared to talk to me anymore." He shook his head. "Well... you guys, anyways. Everyone else still assumes I'm a wreck."

He still was, both knew that, but saying so would have been painful.

"Oooooooh..." Euclid's optics went wide, hands pressed against the glass, leaning forward "pwa?"

"Uh... what?" Bee looked back at Sideswipe.

"That means 'play,'" He informed them, and Bee beamed.

"He wants to play with her? That's so  _cute!"_ Bee looked down, cooing at Euclid, "You wanna play with her?" Euclid squealed with delight, face against the glass.

"Pwa pwa pwa!" He giggled and squirmed, trying to reach through the glass, "Pwa... nan?" he looked back at Bee, "nan? Nan?"  
"Her name." Sideswipe said, moving to let Euclid back towards the glass when he reached towards it again.  
"She doesn't have a name yet."  
"Pwa..." Euclid squirmed in his arms, pressing himself up against hte glass again to see the tiny sparkling. He waved, giggling. "Hi!" He smiled brightly, endlessly delighted with himself, " _Hi!"_

"Woah. He can talk?" Sam looked up at Sideswipe, whose smile was as twinged with sorrow as it always seemed to be.

"First word."

"Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!" Euclid clapped his hands together, giggling. "Hi!"

"You're so  _cute!"_ Sideswipe beamed, before his expression darkened. "I didn't want him to miss this..." Sideswipe hugged Euclid, and the sparkling hummed with delight at the attention, "Everything's been stellar eclipses for this little one..."

He walked away, still cooing at his sparkling, as if he could hide a shattering disappointment.

When Sam looked back, Bee was watching him. "Sam..." Bee looked in at the sparkling, then back at him, "you don't have to be scared. Honest."

"I...." Sam shook his head, fighting sudden tears, "it's just not fair... he didn't ask for that, and everything went wrong for him... I just..." he found himself shaking and fighting off tears, and Bee pulled him close, holding him tight. "I'm scared that'll happen to us, Bee... I mean, if it could happen to  _them..._ everyone thought nothing could touch them, because they're so... they were so..."

"I know" Bee said softly, rubbing his back softly, "I know."

"I just... if this can happen to them... they were... they were  _untouchable..._ " Sam clutched Bee tight, as if Bee was the only link left to that place where sparklings were loved, where lovers weren't seperated, where the world was the way it had been when he was human, where the two most devoted lovers were like stars in the night sky, beautiful, shining, and above the whole world. Sam missed that world, missed it more than  _anything,_ "I'm  _scared..."_

"Me too, Sam" Bee murmured, "but it'll be okay. If we're both scared, we feel the same, and we're together. We won't let that happen to us." Sam nodded, closing his eyes for a moment, leaning against Bee.

"We won't," he repeated, turning to look at their sparkling, "we won't."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam was nearly asleep, curled against Bee on their berth. Bee knew he was still worrying, still thinking about it all.

"We don't have to be untouchable," Bee murmured, touching his cheek gently, "we just have to see what's coming at us."

_Stellar Eclipse: Stellar eclipses are when the light of a star is completely darkened as something moves in front of it. Something wonderful can happen, something that should be bright and shining, and be completely missed, because it was covered by something dark and imepenetrable. During an eclipse, that star is missing from the sky, and when something wonderful is missed, that experience can never come back._

 

 


	12. You Mean The World To Me

It was like watching a whole world of possibilities being born. Sam had never felt anything so completely, never felt so absolutely entranced, struck by the sheer awe. It was seeing the one thing in the world that could change everything. What he was seeing, he realized with an all-consuming wonder, was his and Bee's whole world.

The tiny bot reached towards him, eyes lighting up like she already knew just how much they loved her.

"She's beautiful..." Bee breathed, as Sam cradled her in his arms, "absolutely beautiful. Can you even believe it?" Sam couldn't speak, just nodded, eyes welled with tears. The sparkling made a happy whirring noise.

"Hey, Bee." Sam said softly, "remember when I said that you're the most amazing bot in the world?"

"Yeah?" Bee lifted his optics from their sparkling to Sam, but Sam was still staring down at the tiny bot in his arms, completely spellbound.

"You've got competition." Bee laughed. It didn't escape his notice, however, the way sorrow twinged Sam's smile.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly, "please." He always knew, Sam realized, wondering how he'd ever thought Bee might not notice, because he always knew.

"I just..." Sam drew in a slow breath, looking up at Bee, "I haven't thought about it in a while, but now, with her... I really wish my parents were here. My mom was always so excited about having grandchildren..." he leaned into Bee's embrace, "I wish she was here. I think... I think she'd love our baby."

"She would" Bee said softly, putting his arms around Sam, "I know she would. And I know that wherever she is, she does." He kissed Sam softly, held him tighter, "I know it was hard to decide to become a bot, Sam, but you being here right now... it's everything I ever wanted. You mean the world to me." He smiled when Sam did, "just like our little one."

As if she somehow knew she was the most amazing thing both Sam and Bee had ever seen, the tiny sparkling smiled, bright like her own name.

"Illumina," Sam whispered to the sparkling that had brightened even the darkest corners of their shared past, and she smiled.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sunstreaker was slightly terrified.

He was standing before Prime's desk, head hung, waiting for whatever lecture he knew he'd somehow earned. As Optimus talked to Ratchet in the corridor, Sunstreaker was running through a list of what he'd done recently. He doubted Ratchet-targeted pranks would warrant a private lecture, same with the Wheeljack-lab-redecoration he'd done with Bluestreak. He hadn't burned down anything recently, nor had he been the direct cause of any explosions. Of course, his worst, most irreversible mistake was the most present in his mind, but he couldn't image Prime lecturing him on that. Prime only lectured when Sunstreaker needed to be shoved back into line, and that only happened when Sunstreaker let himself get out of hand.

With Sideswipe, he hadn't meant everything to escalate into the sparkbreaking misery it was now, and he was fully aware he was the only one to be blamed. He didn't need to be retold what he already couldn't forget. It was his fault, and that was burned into his mind every time he saw his sparkmate. Sunstreaker was familiar with mistakes. He'd just never thought one could ruin everything he'd ever lived for.

"Sunstreaker." Prime's voice made him flinch, nearly fall against hte chair standing behind him, "you're probably trying to figure out why you're here."

"Yeah," Sunstreaker admitted, gaze falling to the floor.

"I'm not going to lecture you. You didn't do anything against any rules, but I feel that maybe you need some... guidance."

 _Guidance?_ Sunstreaker thought, gaze fixed on the floor,  _it's too late. If I could apologize and take it all back, I would, I swear to Primus I would because I've been so wrong and it's my fault, all my fault, but it's too late._

"Jealousy is one of the most fatal things in any world." Optimus's words made Sunstreaker's gaze jerk up from the floor, optics wide. "And pairing that with protectiveness is a hurtful mix."

"I'm not-"

"Euclid?"

"Of a sparkling? No," Sunstreaker snorted, "why would I be?"

"Because he's everything to Sideswipe." Optimus watched him for a moment, and Sunstreaker wanted to protest, wanted to insist that he  _wasn't,_ but the words refused to be spoken. Lying to Prime had never been possible. Sunstreaker collapsed in the chair behind him, head in his hands, the locked-up truth spilling from his lips.

"I didn't  _want_ to hate him! I didn't! But since the moment he existed, he's been hurting Swipe! That's all he's done, I could  _feel_ it! That was all he did before he was even sparked, just hurt Swipe  _so so much,_ and I can't  _stand_ it when anything hurts him, and I _couldn't do anything!_ I just had to live with it, and I hated that, I  _hate_ letting anything hurt him, because I  _love_ him! And I couldn't do a single thing! And then- then he was born and even though all he'd done was hurt Swipe, Swipe  _loved_ him! I couldn't stand it- this little thing had been  _killing him,_ the whole entire time, and he  _loves_ it when it's here?!" Sunstreaker tried to catch his breath, couldn't, Prime just watching him calmly, "And yeah, maybe I'm jealous, because I had to  _earn_ what he got! He hurt Swipe and hurt him and hurt him, and instantly, Swipe loves him? I hurt him too, a long time ago, so much, and I  _proved_ to him that I didn't mean it, I didn't screw with him so much he couldn't see it was hurting him! He deserves  _better_ than to be tricked like that! That sparkling's _hurting my sparkmate,_ and I can't do a thing to stop that!" He cut off abruptly, and still Prime said nothing.

"Bots have a different sort of connection with their sparkling," Prime said quietly, "They say it's impossible not to love something so incredibly close to their spark. And Sunny... right now, the only thing hurting Sideswipe is you."

Sunstreaker said nothing, forcing away tears and hating himself more than he'd ever thought possible.

"But Sunny, listen." At the firm tone, Sunstreaker lifted his head reluctantly to look at Prime, "Mistakes are inevitable. They vary in degrees of how grave they are, but they are always inevitable. It only becomes a true mistake when it is not righted," Prime said, "I think you'll find that Sideswipe is still willing to forgive you. And if you could forgive Euclid, I'm certain he'll still be ready to love you."

Sunstreaker said nothing, but the look on his face said quite clearly that he didn't believe it.

xxxxxxxxxxx

"Again! Again!" Euclid shrieked, clapping his hands. Wheeljack grinned, and Sideswipe groaned.

"Don't listen to him." He surveyed the charred wreck inside the lab, the remains of whatever Wheeljack had been working on. Wheeljack laughed.

"He's your sparkling, all right. Coding for disaster."

"Just wait until he gets old enough to wreck havoc. Like when he learns to actually walk."

"Like we need another walking danger around here..." Wheeljack returned to his lab to clean up the mess, giving a theatrical sigh and muttering about bots that enjoyed explosions too much. Sideswipe continued on to the rec room, where, upon seeing Illumina with Sam and Bee, Euclid started squirming and babbling. Jazz and Ironhide were nowhere in sight, Sideswipe noted with amusement; no doubt they were off somewhere together. He'd been hearing Jazz start to mention sparklings, and while Ironhide had cowered at the idea at first, he seemed to be taking to the idea. Anything to make Jazzy happy, he'd said when Sideswipe had asked, but the smile had said that Ironhide would love to have a sparkling too.

"Pretty!" Euclid chirped, pointing towards her, "pretty, pretty! Play?"

"Illumina's too little, Euclid." Sideswipe said, depositing him on the couch. "Later."

"Lumina?" Euclid repeated, sitting still for once, mesmerized by the sparkling, "Lumina pretty! Play? Pretty Lumina play?"

"Primus, Sides," Bee grinned over at him, "he's too much of a sweetheart to be yours." Sideswipe rolled his optics.

"So I hear. How do you know I'm not secretly very nice?"

"Because you're a sadistic con artist" Bee grinned brightly, as Sam laughed.

Within half an hour, Euclid was yet again proving himself to be every bit Sideswipe's sparkling; while Sideswipe was talking to Ratchet, he'd started chewing on a wrench, making Ratchet sigh heavily.

"He's eating my wrench," he said stonily, looking pointedly at the berth. Sideswipe shrugged a shoulder.

"Least he's not hiding it from you."

"I wouldn't put it past him..." Ratchet muttered, "I bet anything he'll be playing hide-Ratchet's-tools as soon as he can walk." He rolled his optics, turning back to his charts. "So... how're things with Sunstreaker?" Sideswipe glared in silence. "I only ask because I'm worried about you, so quit with the growling. Caring for him has taken a lot out of you, and you know it'd be easier on you if he was around."

" _Obviously,"_ Sideswipe snapped, "but I'm doing fine and so is Euclid."

"I know that," Ratchet said, placating, "better than any of us thought you could do. I'm just saying that you deserve to have it a little easier."

"I'll live," Sideswipe crossed his arms over his chest, gaze moving to Euclid, "and he doesn't know any different. He's barely even met Sunny-" he turned away from Ratchet, as if he could hide the way the words made his voice tremble.

"It's not your fault," Ratchet placed his hand on a shaking shoulder, "there's nothing you did that's making him act like this. And the way you're taking care of Euclid is incredible. You've done  _nothing wrong."_

"That doesn't change anything," Sideswipe said quietly, "because he's still not here, and I still love him."

Ratchet couldn't find anything to tell him. What can you do? he thought, watching Sideswipe pick up Euclid and leave the medbay, when it's your sparkmate that's gone? It's like taking away the whole world.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sunstreaker had never been much good at apologizing. He'd set out with every intention to, but upon arriving at their quarters, it had become impossible. He remained just inside the doorway, silent. Sideswipe was already asleep, as was Euclid, and Sunstreaker couldn't find it in himself to wake up his sparkmate just to find that an apology refused to come to him.

 _How do you apologize for destroying everything?_ He couldn't see any way to. None at all. There was too much to be sorry for to express it, too much to take back, too much damage done. And despite everything, some part of him still insisted that Sideswipe and Euclid were better off without him.

He was thinking of leaving when Euclid stirred, whimpering. The little sparkling rubbing his optics with little fists, whimpers louder. He looked up at Sunstreaker, and his face registered nothing, then looked around for Sideswipe.

"No. "Sunstreaker frowned, as the sparkling reached tiny hands towards Sideswipe. "Don't start fussing. Don't. You'll wake him up" Sunstreaker's frown deepened, "you've disrupted him enough." He crossed the room quietly, even as his mind offered up nothing in the way of how to quiet the sparkling.

"No, no, no," Euclid's optics welled up with tears.

"No, stop that." Sunstreaker picked him up, lifted Euclid up against his shoulder, as the sparkling started sniffling, "he hasn't gotten to recharge in  _ages,_ because of  _you."_

Tears filled the bright optics, as Euclid hiccupped and squirmed to get back to his sparklinked bot.

"Just  _stop-"_ Sunstreaker scowled when Sideswipe almost stirred, " _please,_ just let him have this. Primus, is he the  _only_ one in the universe who can make you be quiet?" Euclid seemed to be proving that exact point, starting to whimper. "Don't do that. Don't. What, is it because he's sparklinked to you? Is that it? That means the whole world to you, doesn't it?" Sunstreaker dismissed his own sympathetic tone, "Just because you're sparklinked doesn't mean you get to take  _my_ sparkmate all the time. I had him first, and I need him too, okay?"  _Why did he forgive you? You've wrecked so much…_ "Know what? Fine. Have it your way. But I'm not doing it for  _you-"_ at the harsh tone, Euclid started to sob, "I'm doing it for  _him."_ Quite against his better judgment, Sunstreaker lowered the guards against his own sparklink with Euclid, unblocking the connection that established himself as the other half to Euclid's very spark.

Euclid's cries quieted, sobs fading to hiccups.

"You needent make it so  _obvious_ that you're this easy to quiet down." Sunstreaker watched as Euclid cuddled up against him, placated.

 _Maybe he forgave you because he could tell you love him,_ Sunstreaker thought, staring down at the sleeping sparkling. "Do you do this for  _anybot?"_

"No." Sideswipe's sleepy voice made Sunstreaker look over, to see his sparkmate half sitting up, smiling like the sunrise had brought a perfect world. "He won't." He crawled across the berth, snuggling up against Sunstreaker. "Just you and me."

"Why?"

"Because. He knows who loves him." Sideswipe hugged him tight, "I'm so glad you're back, Sunny. I've missed you…"

"I've been here." Sideswipe completely ignored his words, lie that they were.

"I thought you'd never come back to me, Sunny." And the way he looked- Sunstreaker understood. Hated what he'd done, and understood.

_The only thing hurting him is you._

"I'll never leave you again," he whispered, "I'm sorry, Swipe, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't think- it just seemed like all he did was hurt you and I couldn't stand it, and you still loved him even though he did all that and I hate seeing you hurt and I just- I couldn't _do_ anything…"

"You could," Sideswipe said softly, one hand stroking Euclid's cheek, "all you had to do was be there and it would have been so much easier…"

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't… shouldn't have…"

"You shouldn't have," Sideswipe agreed softly, "but you don't have to stay like that." He met Sunstreaker's gaze, "I never stopped loving you."

"Swipe…" Sunstreaker drew in a breath, "I didn't stop either. I promise. I couldn't." Sideswipe was watching Euclid, the way the sparkling was so placidly sleeping in Sunstreaker's arms.

"I missed you, Sunny," he said, holding onto him tight, "he was never hurting me. I promise. If you knew him, you'd love him too. Give him the chance?"

 _Never leave me again,_ Sunstreaker could sense Sideswipe feeling, feel it like they were his own emotions, and in a way, they were, _stay with me?_

"Yes," Sunstreaker promised, to both the spoken and the unspoken, "I promise. You mean the world to me." He kissed Sideswipe gently, "You and Euclid."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Bee…" Sam was trying to sound frustrated, but he just sounded excited, "Can I open my eyes now?"

"Just a second." Bee scooped Illumina out of Sam's arms, laid her down in her tiny cradle. She giggled, reaching for what he held.

"Ooooo…" she chirped, and Bee grinned.

"Don't tell him what it is, sweetie," he cooed down at her, and Sam made an exasperated noise.

"Tell me! Tell me!"

"Shhh," Bee smiled down at the sparkling, "it's a secret. Don't tell Sam."

"Shhh" She echoed his shushing, "shhh-shhh-shhh!"

"Not fair!" Sam whined. Bee turned back to him, practically vibrating with excitement.

"Okay, you can look!" He held out the datapad, and grinned at Sam's curious look. "It's a phrase book. Of all the bot phrases you don't understand. We can keep filling it out together," he said, as Sam read through it with wide optics, "It's so you really feel that you're one of us, because you are. And I want you to be a part of our whole world, including the stuff we say. I want you to understand it, because then… then you'll feel like you're home. When I did that with your human phrases, it felt like I could understand you more, and I want you to feel like that too."

"Bee…" Sam breathed, looking up at him, "this is amazing." Bee blushed pink and smiled. "They're all bot phrases?" Bee nodded. Sam looked back down, skimming back to the last one. "Even this one?" He pointed down at it, "I know this one!" Sam said, optics bright.

 _Oh, Sam,_ Bee thought, holding back tears of joy,  _you haven't smiled like that since you were a human._

"You do?" he asked, and Sam nodded.

"You mean the world to me," he said, "I know what that means. That's you, to me."

"How do you already know that one?" he asked, as Sam fit into his embrace.

"Because," Sam whispered, "we share that phrase." Bee held him tight and kissed him.

"We share more than that, Sam," he murmured, "we also share the love behind it."

 _You mean the world to me_ :  _when someone means everything to you, and you couldn't live without them, because they mean more than anything to you. The world is everything there ever was and ever will be, and holds all hope for the future- This is when someone is even more than that. The world is a constant, and without it, there is nothing. Stars live and die, and even planets fall away, but this love is forever._

 


End file.
